Written by Karl Perera, MA, DipLC
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Some people have such low self esteem that they ask themselves “why does everybody hate me?”. To many of us this may seem an extreme view, but with low self esteem distorting how you can see your world and those around you, for some it seems very real. If you have asked yourself this question then what I have to say here will be very helpful to you.
On this page, with the benefit of many years helping those with low self esteem and confidence issues, I will explain why some people believe everybody hates them and advise on some steps that can be followed to break this negative thinking and transform self-esteem in the process.
Low self esteem can make you ask “why does everybody hate me?” This question shows a distorted view of reality. Based on negative experiences, this thought may grow inside until it becomes believable. This limiting belief can kill motivation and self esteem until you realise it is completely wrong.
Of course, it is impossible for everybody to hate someone, so this belief is false. However, it is a very real concern in the mind of many. This is so much more complex than appears, so let’s look deeper into this problem and consider why some think this way, and what to do to change this hugely damaging negative thinking into more helpful, positive thoughts.
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Why Might Someone Believe the thought “Everybody Hates Me”?
The causes of this belief include low self esteem, depression, anxiety and self-loathing. These can all cause you to start to hate yourself, which is at the root of the belief that everybody hates you.
Much of how we think and react to the world and the people in it goes back to our childhood. Parents can cause this feeling to develop if they do not love their child. Abuse can have the same effect, causing the person to assume that all others think about them in the same way. If they believe that one person close to them hates them, they may develop the idea that everybody hates them too.
Even if you experienced something as horrible as these experiences in childhood, you may not make the leap to believing that what is true for one person is true for all people. However, if you develop low self esteem and self doubt, one or two negative social experiences could be enough to take you to a place where you think everyone seems to dislike you. From here, it is an easy path to feeling everyone hates you.
When I suffered from low self esteem, (most of my teens and into my twenties), I noticed that one of my biggest problems was what I thought of myself. I understood that I didn’t like myself and that was probably the root of most of my problem. I finally started to make progress towards building my self-esteem and becoming happier when I worked on liking myself more and valuing the person I was.
Another factor is that once you have this belief, you may subconsciously act so that others begin to hate you, thereby justifying your belief. This is known as self-fulfilling prophecy. A person who reaches this stage is in deep and convinced that everybody does indeed hate them.
Why You Need To Get Rid of the Belief that Everybody Hates You Now
If you always complain and focus on negative things, and believe everyone hates you , how can you expect anybody else to love you, admire you and like you?
To get something positive in life, you must first give then it will be returned. If you can’t give love to yourself, how can you love others and why would you expect them to love you?
If some people just never seem to have a kind word for you then you need to learn how to cope with criticism. Everyone gets criticised, it’s how you deal with it that matters. Not everyone will like you, it is necessary to understand this and accept it. Do you like everyone?
Believing that everybody hates you will invite criticism, because you expect it. What your mind focuses on, usually causes more of the same to come into your life.
If you believe everybody hates you, then your relationships cannot be healthy or rewarding. You will not be able to trust anybody or confide in a friend. How will you be able to make any friends with such an attitude?
One of the biggest handicaps you will have if you believe that everybody hates you is that you will most likely be unapproachable and unfriendly. Others will sense this and avoid you. The result is loneliness and isolation which can only make you even more negative.
The consequence of the above is anxiety, low self esteem and depression. You must address this problem before it drags you down towards hopelessness and failure. If you feel you are anywhere near this, please consider getting help from a professional. Depression can be dangerous and overcome you quickly without you realising how serious it is.
Why Everybody Does Not Hate You
How do you know that everybody hates you? There is a reason why you may think this, but is this even possible? The answer is no! This belief is a huge assumption. Everybody is very different and although something may have happened to cause you to think that this belief is real, it isn’t. What is happening is that because it happened once or even twice you assume it always will. This is like throwing a dice and it landing on six, then believing that anytime you throw it again, it will always land on six.
We’ve talked about why you believe this. Part of your belief survives only because of your low self esteem which tells you there is something that everybody sees in you that makes them hate you. How unlikely is that?
What is it you think is so awful that everybody hates you? You imagine there is something that nobody can like, what exactly? There is always something to like in everybody, how is it possible that no-one can see that? Well, we are all likeable in some way. You are too.
And how can you know what they are thinking? Believe me, your thoughts are all coming from the same source, your imagination, which is no longer able to understand the truth. Negative thinking has affected your judgement and it’s time you broke free of this lie.
Let’s talk about what you can do to correct the way you are thinking about yourself so that it helps you rather than hurts you.
Is it reasonable to expect every single person to like you? Of course not! There are billions of people on this planet and not everyone operates on the same frequency. Some people will get you, some will dislike you, and some will adore you. But you have to realise how unreasonable it is to expect that every single encounter, every single conversation and every single relationship will go the way you want it to. And more importantly, you have to realise that it’s okay when they don’t. That’s life.
Instead of analysing each and every negative encounter and dwelling over what went wrong. Stop blaming yourself and learn to accept relationships as they really are, some work and some don’t. Some people like you and others don’t. There is nothing about any person alive today that makes them completely unlovable.
What to do when you feel someone hates you
I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve got to try and stop allowing people to have so much power over you and your emotions.
The fact that you’ve had bad experiences with those around you does not mean that every single encounter will go that way. Some of those encounters you may even be blowing out of proportion. For instance, if you said hello to someone and they didn’t respond or didn’t acknowledge you, they may simply have not heard you, but at times our minds are so fragile and convincing that you’re certain within a matter of split seconds that that person hates you to your core.
Even if you have good reason to believe that someone hates you, you have to stay strong, believe in yourself and your values, and remember that there are billions of people on this planet, most of which can appreciate your unique personality.
Focus on what good points you have. This may be different but recovering begins with this big and challenging step. Make a list of at least five things, three if you find it too difficult to think of five. Think about those characteristics you have and how someone may like them.
Until you start to see the things in yourself that are there to love and until you appreciate who you are, you cannot escape the hell of believing that others hate you. This site contains so much help to build your self esteem that you will get you started on the road to recovery.
Perhaps you need help and support. Get in touch with a professional and seek guidance. Therapy or counselling can really help you get through the very worst and can keep you on track. A new attitude will create all the difference and help you to feel like your life has meaning and that you deserve love.
There are hard truths to be faced and it is not easy to break free of our beliefs. But you need right now to make the effort to become happy with who you are. In time you will understand that hope, positivity and love can be real for you as they are for everyone.
What changes can you make to feel more positive about yourself?
What about change? You CAN change your appearance and become more attractive, you CAN lose weight and become healthier, you can stop complaining and start coping. You CAN change your attitude to yourself and feel more attractive, more likeable. These are ALL choices you can make…
Your self talk is important because this is what you tell yourself inside. Changing this to positive, encouraging words will really help you to change your attitude and become so much more positive in how you think about yourself. Your self-esteem will soar!
To be happier you must make different choices. Self hypnosis can help you, try it now. Here is a wonderful bundle of 3 hypnosis sessions that will help you feel better about yourself – read more about this and download it today.
Good luck on your journey!
- Fletcher, J. (2019). Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325705
- Raypole, C. (2020). How to Cope When It Feels Like Everyone Hates You. https://www.healthline.com/health/why-does-everyone-hate-me
Website Author and Your Guide
Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA), and author of the book Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run More-SelfEsteem.com since 1997 since suffering from low self esteem for more than 25 years overcoming it in his thirties.