Written by Karl Perera, MA, DipLC
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On a previous page we’ve talked about why you might hate yourself however on this page we’re going to concentrate on why you may not like yourself as hate is such a strong word, it’s not always applicable.
In all my years writing about self-esteem and trying to help clients improve their levels of confidence I have found that often many people do not actually like themselves very much. On this page I’d like to look at exactly why that is and what can be done. After you read what I have to say, I hope you might start to actually like yourself again, and that is a great step towards building the self-esteem that you deserve!
If you are interested in checking out the best way to build your self-esteem you can find it by clicking here:
Reasons why you may not like yourself include the following:
Feeling shame about yourself or about what you have done.
Being harsh with yourself and what you have achieved or not achieved. This includes focusing on failure rather than success no matter how small. Those who have suffered as victims in life. For example, those who have suffered abuse or cruelty from others may actually feel that they are partly responsible for what happened to them, and therefore they adopt a victim mentality which results in them really not liking themselves and who they are.
One of the most important things that help us improve our levels of self-esteem and confidence in life is the ability to feel comfortable with who we are and what we stand for you. If you don’t actually like yourself this means you will not have the self-respect to acknowledge the positive things about your character and your abilities which will enable you to sustain a high level of self-esteem. The result is that you will probably find yourself trapped in low self-esteem and this can even descend into depression. I’m here to help you escape this possibility and to free yourself of the chains of low self-esteem.
What are the signs that you don’t like yourself?
Well depression is one of the signs that you actually don’t like yourself because it is a central symptom of feelings of dislike of the self and in some extreme cases so fight. Along with the signs is the fact thatIs a big sign that someone is not happy with their life and probably not happy with themselves.
Here is also important to mention body image because that is often associated with hating oneself. It is also important to mention that this body image dislike of the self is very much more common in females than males. According to Battle (1978), loş self-esteem is a sign of disliking yourself. Jersild (1952) discusses self-evaluation and young children at school by looking at their compositions and what they write about what they like and what they don’t like about themselves. One conclusion is that schools themselves can do a lot to improve Young children’s self acceptanceSo they can better deal with their own attitudes towards themselves.
One popular assumption that people makeAbout self loathing is that people who attend narcissists often exaggerate their behaviour and the way they talk in order to hide their own dislike of the self. What is this really true? Campbell at al. (2007) looked at this very question.
And thenAn interesting study by Dademan et al. (2014) looked at the effects of dyslexia onSelf-esteem. Several conclusions included thatDyslexia did contribute to low self-esteem however if there was a good support level from parents and otherPeople around a dyslexic person such as teachers, SoSelf-esteem was higher. This report also shows how it is possible for somebody whatever reason to dislike themselves but to be happy with the attitude of others.
How normal is it to not like yourself?
It is quite normal to find there are things about your character or about yourYourself that you don’t actually like. This is no great problem in itself. However, what is not quite so normal is to actually really dislike yourself.
If this problem is an issue for you, why not try using a self esteem worksheet to better understand your issues and how to fix them?
What are the results of not liking yourself?
One of the main results of not liking yourself isThat it will affect your life satisfaction and general level of happiness and well-being. There is a connection between happiness well-being and general health. If your health suffers as a result of you really not being happy with who you are and your life in general thenIt is quite likely that your self-esteem will drop. Having the motivation to face challenges and create girls that will take you in a positive direction in life depends on the healthy level of self-esteem and a huge dose of confidence. Another thing that is required is healthy self motivation and this will surely be lacking ifYou basically your being dislike yourself. This will seriously impactYour ability to move forward.Self-care is an important aspect of health and well-being. In order to bring out the best in yourself make the best decisions for your future, you will need to devote some priority towards self-care. However, self-care depends on you actually respecting yourself. Not liking yourself is actually a sign of low self-esteem it and will be very limiting in terms ofAnd self inAnd self-improvement.
What can you do to like yourself more and grow your self-esteem?
I have written a lot on this website about steps you can take to improve your self-esteem. But here on this page I’d like to concentrate on the steps that you can take that will actually help you to start liking who you are and what you stand for. This will increase your self-respect and contribute to moreOf a positive attitude which can improve your self motivation. A feeling of appreciation and acceptance of yourself and who you are.
It is so important to actually like yourself because if you don’t like yourself, it is hard to convince others to like you too. Why would other people trust you will find you interesting if you don’tregard yourself in the same way. Also, how can you expect others to treat you with respect and positively if you do not treat yourself positively in the first place, they will simply follow your lead.
One thing that would be a great idea is to do something special for yourself to take the stress away, or to reduce your anxiety. Try listening to binaural beats, for example, I’m sure you’ll find them helpful!
One thing I have often been asked The fact that it might be selfish to actually start to love yourself. However, I don’t think this is true I think it is the first step in becoming a real passionate and emotionalI’emotionally balanced human being.
In order to appreciate others and have love for them, you need to start with a healthy regard for your own self. If you hate yourself or at least if you fail to like yourself, it is likely that you will think of othersNegatively to and find problems loving them.
So now let’s get onto the business of what steps you can actually take if you find that you suffer from self dislike and would like to improve what do you think about yourself in order to build your self-esteem. Here are some of my top suggestions:
One really great way to start liking yourselfIs at the end of each day to reflect over a few moments on the things that you achieved on the successes you had. It doesn’t matter how small they are the very fact that you focus on the positive side no matter how insignificant they made me look remember that these in significant success is a small step which buildsMake sure at the end of the day to congratulate yourselfAnd to except that you haven’t been able to do everything that you wanted to achieve that day but what are you did do was successful.
How many friends do you have Or rather what I should be asking is do you have at least one or two really good friends?
Spend a few minutes thinking about what you like about them. Note down any positive characteristicsWhich drew you to them as a friend. Always Remember that friendships are not one wayThey are very much a two-way street so if you have a good friend there must be a reason why they like you. Spending a few moments to focus on the possible reasons why they like you as a friend Will enable you to realize that there are positive traits that you have positive abilities that you have which are attractive to others. The same characteristics are things that you can begin to reflect on and begin to like about yourself.
Did you ever hear yourself say something that you really liked? Something that came out well and was received by another person very positivelyHave you ever done something which was kind or really helped somebody else in some small way. These are things that others appreciate about you start appreciating these small things that you do to help others or even things that you do to help yourself. These are the things that make you likeable and helpful to others. Remember that relationships Without those are inWithout those are important, but probably the most important single relationship you’ll ever be in is the relationship you have with yourself. Take a moment now to reflect on this question. What kind of relationship do you have with yourself?
Is it a relationship filled with kindness? Do you prioritize your own self-care? Showing a self kindnessEnable enables you to be a better friend with yourself. Many people go through life almost totally ignoring themselves as a person. You deserve your own respect, and you deserve your own timeBecause time and respect self honesty and kindness all contribute to a deeper my loving relationship that you need to have with yourself. Before you leave this page would like you to put into practice some of these points and particularly the following:
Make a note to think of three things that you can do in the next few days for yourself to show yourself kindness, things whichAre things that you don’t necessarily need but that a friend would give to another friend. Excepting yourself as a friend and attempting to create a better relationship with yourself will also help you develop deeper and more meaningful relationships with others to. Therefore, this is not a selfish enterprise and will have benefits the social see year.
You can find a great deal of tipsWhich will enable you to like yourself better on a number of different websites. However, The tips I have here are based on my experience and research that I’ve carried out into this topic over the years.
Battle, J. (1978). Relationship between self-esteem and depression. Psychological reports, 42(3), 745-746.
Campbell, W. K., & Foster, J. D. (2007). The narcissistic self: Background, an extended agency model, and ongoing controversies. The self, 115, 138.
Dåderman, A. M., Nilvang, K., & Levander, S. (2014). ” I Dislike my Body, I am Unhappy, But my Parents are not Disappointed in Me”: Self-Esteem in Young Women with Dyslexia. Applied Psychological Research Journal, 1(1), 50-58.
Jersild, A. T. (1952). In search of self.
Website Author and Your Guide
Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA), and author of the book Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run More-SelfEsteem.com since 1997 since suffering from low self esteem for more than 25 years overcoming it in his thirties.