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How to Overcome Victim Mentality

Written by Karl Perera BA, MA, DipLC
Updated: March 24th, 2020

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In this article you will find the following information:

  • Do you have a victim mentality?
  • What causes you to have a victim mentality?
  • What are the effects of this?
  • What you can do about it

Do you Suffer from a Victim Mentality?

If you suffer from low self esteem you may have a victim mentality. Have you heard of this term before? If you have this mentality you view yourself as a victim and in pain. Some people are right to think this because they have suffered at the hands of others or life has dealt them a blow but even if you have a reason you don’t have to feel like a victim and pity yourself – you can rise above these events and refuse to submit to them. In fact, with the right approach, the very events that led you to feel like a victim in the first place could be your greatest teacher and your greatest ally!

Have you ever asked yourself ” why does this always happen to me?”. Some people go through life asking questions like this and wonder why all these bad things do keep happening to them. Perhaps being more positive would help but we’ll come to that a bit later. One thing you need to ask yourself is: “Am I allowing situations in life or events to manage me or am I determined to manage them as best I can?” You are not in control of everything that happens to you obviously, but you can control how you react. If you react as a victim you’ll be reacting negatively and self pity is not going to help you nor is it likely to attract the help of others.

Sometimes you may suffer from mood swings, which can become serious if you don’t deal with them or get help. Don’t ignore these swings in mood, try to cope and understand what your triggers are. If you don’t know, it could be time to seek help. Perhaps counselling could help.

What causes you to have a Victim Mentality?

There are several causes:

  • Bad things that happen to you and your reaction
  • What you tell yourself (your negative self talk)
  • What others tell you
  • Negative thinking
  • Your belief in fate or personal responsibility
  • Your religious beliefs

Let’s take a quick look at these causes. Firstly, bad things happen to everyone, that’s just how life is. Some people act as though each setback is a major drama and create stress and pain for themselves. Why? Many reasons, you feel important when you convince yourself that you have huge problems. It satisfies the ego.

What you tell yourself is obviously going to affect your mood, behaviour and happiness so negative self talk is likely to help cause or prolong the victim mentality. If you are negative you cannot see reality and therefore your decisions will be based on wrong assumptions. More bad decisions lead to more more pain and failure which will encourage you to believe that you are indeed a victim. Break this cycle and maintain good mental health with self hypnosis.

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Negative comments from others can cause you to become very negative and it is very easy to misinterpret what others tell you. A negative comment or offensive behaviour towards you may say a lot about the other person. Maybe they have a big problem and that’s why they are treating you badly. If you have a negative mentality you will just take what they say or do at face value and believe that you are again a victim.

Do you believe in fate or do you think you are responsible for your life and what happens to you? The victim feels that he or she has been treated unfairly but is trapped. There seems to be no way out. In extreme cases the victim may even start to believe that he or she is being punished and deserves to be a victim. Understnding how to give yourself permission and not wait for others to give it, is essential.

Religious beliefs, can like everything else, have a positive or negative affect on your life. If you believe in a God who is responsible for everything and who punishes you if you do something wrong it is easy for you to believe there is a reason for your pain and misery.

What are the effects of a victim mentality?

When you see yourself as a victim you feel life hasn’t treated you fairly. You may be angry as a result blaming everybody for your misfortune. You may feel you are being punished or even deserve to be a victim. Your self esteem will be very low. You will suffer from negative thinking and might feel trapped.

What can you do about it?

  • Check out my e-book “Self Esteem Secrets” and start building your self esteem and confidence
  • Stop being angry or feeling helpless and understand that you are responsible for your own life. Decide to do something about it and get help if you need it
  • Question your negative thoughts, don’t believe them automatically
  • Do whatever you can to be positive
  • Stop being a victim and stand up for yourself – find out how this self hypnosis program can help you.

You don’t have to be a victim, truly the only one who makes you feel like one is the same person who can free you —- you!

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Website Author and Editor Bio

Photo of Karl Perera, MA, DipLC Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA) and author of Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run since 1997 and is an expert in Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

1 thought on “How to Overcome Victim Mentality”

  1. Very good!!! I need more of this to completely destroy my low self-esteem. I look forward to more of such uplifting messages.

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