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Self Talk

Written by Karl Perera BA, MA, DipLC
Updated: June 4th, 2020

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Self Talk and Esteem

What you say to yourself is extremely important and influences your self esteem and confidence in a positive or negative way. Ideally you should talk encouragingly to yourself, after all if you do not encourage yourself who will? Unfortunately, if you are like many people, your inner self talk is probably negative and does not support and encourage you. It probably does the opposite.

The world is full of negative people, or those who try to put you down, so to be strong you need a defence. If your voice is supporting you with positive self talk then you are less likely to believe others if they criticise you. If your inner voice is as negative as others, then what chance do you have?

Where Does Negative Self Talk Come From?

  1. One of the best explanations I have heard is outlined in a wonderful book I have read called “The Four Agreements – inside you have an inner judge who is more critical than anybody you’ve ever met, he/ she is unforgiving and lethal to your self confidence and success.  
  2. Your parents have such an affect on you that their words can become buried in your brain and phrases echo around your head. Sometimes you hear your father’s comments in a situation you’ve experienced before only this time you’re telling yourself the same thing!
  3. If you hear the same negative comments too often you may believe them and tell yourself what others think is true. negative thinking – find out how to beat it.
  4. Excuses not to try something risky. But if you always stay with what’s safe and never take a risk you will never reach your potential to succeed big time. You will turn away opportunities before you even think about them.
  5. Lack of self esteem and confidence makes you likely to be very negative about yourself and easily defeated. Low self esteem brings with it very negative self talk. Here’s a great course which will help you to improve your self confidence – now!
  6. Having a negative focus. Try changing what you talk about to include your hopes, your dreams, your ideas for positive change in your life. Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, talk to friends and colleagues about what you CAN and WANT to do.
  7. Having negative rather than positive people in your life. If possible, you should try to remove negative people from your life but if this is not possible, for example, if you work with someone who is highly critical, then you will have to avoid them as much as possible. Try to spend time with positive and supportive people who make you feel good.

The Power of Self Talk

Thoughts precede moods so if you think unhappy thoughts you feel unhappy. Self talk is your thinking making itself known to you. Hearing somebody else talking negatively is bad enough, so imagine how much more hearing your own inner voice is! If you tell yourself you are a failure, guess what, you will be! If you tell yourself you can succeed then you have a much improved chance of succeeding.

Negative self talk can lead to low self esteem, lack of confidence or even depression and this leads to more negative thought. A vicious circle. If others criticise you and your inner voice agrees with what they say then you are slowly convincing yourself that you deserve their negative criticism. This is a downward spiral.

How to Help Yourself

  • Conquer depression and anxiety quickly and naturally – My No.1 Recommendation
  • Use visualisation and affirmations – check out my affirmations page
  • Build your self esteem and confidence – this website is filled with ideas on this so browse the whole site. Try Building your self esteem – you will love this self hypnosis program. It really works!
  • Don’t accept others putting you down, tell others you don’t agree and that they are wrong about you!
  • Use your faith – the Christian religion teaches all men are equal and the Bible is a great source of awe-inspiring quotes and confidence boosting ideas. Your faith will help you be stronger.
  • Be easier on yourself, forgive yourself and be kinder to yourself.
  • Do something to help others. You will feel happier and more satisfied. You will respect yourself more.
  • Talk to yourself in a positive way – if you hear that negative inner voice cut it off and disagree with it!

Recommended Books:

Self Confidence Master Plan Get this Confidence Master Plan Free! How this Confidence master Plan is going to help you:

  • Enjoy the excitement of an amazing new journey to unstoppable self confidence.
  • Finally understand the steps you can take to build your confidence.
  • Believe in yourself more.
  • Experience the motivation of setting goals that matter to you.
  • Enjoy a positive sense of hope and optimism in your own future.
  • Enjoy the benefits of visualisation.
  • Get your Confidence Master Plan Now! It's free!


What to say when you talk to yourself – “I couldn’t get enough of this book, and before I was finished, I “accidentally” found myself being more upbeat and positive.  I can’t recommend enough that you read this book!”

Website Author and Editor Bio

Photo of Karl Perera, MA, DipLC Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA) and author of Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run since 1997 and is an expert in Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

2 thoughts on “Self Talk”

  1. zongaijun

    It is the first time to get the information. It is useful.

  2. I need your guidance i need to strong i always felt disappointed abou my self

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