[fac_icon icon="check-circle" color="#81d742" font_size="12"] Reviewed by Dr. Ingrid Schweiger, PhD Psychotherapist and Author of Self esteem for a Lifetime
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How do we define esteem and what does it mean to have low self esteem? On this page I will explain how to improve self esteem, so be sure to read it carefully!
Esteem is defined as follows according to the Oxford Dictionary Online:
Respect or admiration (noun)
Respect and admire (verb)
When you esteem something you respect it and admire it because it has positive qualities which you value. Self esteem means how you regard and value yourself.
Self esteem and your confidence
Having low self esteem means that you do not respect or value yourself highly. If you feel like this about yourself you will not feel in control and negativity may take hold of you. Your confidence may be low and so you will not believe in your ability to be successful. You may be more likely to believe other people’s negative comments rather than trust your own opinions.
It is possible to have too much confidence and pride, but too much self esteem? I don’t think so. If you do not know your limits and have unrealistic confidence then you may be heading for a big fall. In the same way, pride can result in a large ego and if things do not go according to how you expect, you may really get hurt. As with everything else, you need balance and self esteem will give you that.
What else do you need to know about self esteem?
There is more to self esteem than first meets the eye. On the one hand, someone may clearly lack confidence and have a low opinion of themselves, whereas, some people may appear to have confidence but their efforts to take charge and be in control is a cover for their low self esteem.
Most people go through phases when they have personal issues self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. People who have made plenty of mistakes in their lives are more susceptible to this. Some may think that since they made so many mistakes in their lives that they aren’t smart enough or “good” enough to make their lives better. However, this is not the case at all. There are many ways to improve your life and many ways to boost your self-esteem, keep reading to find out what they are…
So, how to improve self esteem…?
An important first step is to admit your problem.
However, many people do not admit that they have any problem and continue to aggressively appear full of self esteem. There are many people who have leadership positions who deep down have low self esteem despite pretending to be someone who is in control and who makes decisions confidently. This will lead to a lot of stress and pain as the pretense hides the real person inside.
You will see the reality of this kind of person when they face real problems and when things go wrong. They will be unable to accept any criticism and demand others do what they say without question.
True self esteem is always positive and honest.
When a person has true self esteem he/ she is never anxious or angry and can always accept valid criticism.
The confidence these people have will help most in difficult situations. They will be able to ask others for help if needed. Confidence is genuine and is backed up with self awareness, that is, knowing our own limits. There is no need to be in control of everything and everyone.
Allowing others to be responsible for making decisions, while being responsible for your own, that is true self esteem. Everything is in balance.
Click here to learn how to build your self esteem by simplifying your life.
Relationships are such a big challenge, so when things go wrong the person who is truly OK with himself has the natural confidence to ask what needs to change. The difference that true self esteem makes is that this change includes personal soul searching and the ability to consider personal improvements that may be needed.
Taking personal responsibility for one’s own behaviour and relationships and the ability to admit fault makes a huge difference.
Self Hypnosis for Self Esteem
I have tried self hypnosis and I also advise you to. It will help you with any problem you have including how to improve self esteem. Click to get this amazing self hypnosis download – Building your self esteem now!
The Blame Game
Blame is mostly pointless and often serves to make you feel better by allowing you to avoid taking responsibility. When you blame someone else you deny that you have any fault.
Taking responsibility for your own self esteem and confidence means that you need to understand what happens to you is at least partly down to you. Rather than blame, which is very negative, ask what you could do better to improve the situation. What can you change and what would be the result of that?
One way how to improve self esteem is to stop holding grudges and work out ways to get revenge. You will be so much happier if you learn to forgive.
Hold Yourself Accountable
If you are someone who has made a lot of mistakes and feel like you can’t help but make mistakes, then it may be time to invest in some sort of accountability. For example, if you have a problem with drugs, consider going to a rehab facility. Or if you have a problem with drinking and driving, invest in a Low Cost Interlock safety device. It may be a hassle for you to deal with day in and day out, but you are truly taking responsibility for your past actions. Accountability is something that can sometimes be annoying because giving up responsibility is the easy way out but as you really take control of your life soon enough you will feel better every day for righting your own ship with your own effort.
Always Speak Positively
When you are down in the dumps it can be very difficult to talk positively to yourself and to others. However, when you speak negatively, you are only making it harder. Often negative thoughts lead to negative speech, which can lead to depression. Those surrounded by positivity from either their own thoughts, friends, family, or just anything in their life that they enjoy will have a much easier time staying out of emotional lulls.
One of the best ways to boost your confidence and improve self esteem is by challenging yourself to do things that you never thought you could do. Even trying and failing is better than not trying at all. If you try and fail, you have lost nothing but time. But if you do not try at all, you will never be able to go out of your comfort zone and improve. No one has ever thrived and became successful without taking a challenging first step. Motivate yourself by doing and you will feel a confidence like never before, even if you fail.
Many doctors have encouraged their patients to meditate . This relieves stress and has the possibility to impact your life in a positive way throughout your entire day. Download various apps and find what works best for you. Be patient and allow time for yourself to adjust to meditating. Meditation is not just a spiritual concept. It is beneficial for all people of all religions. There are many resources that have nothing to do with religion and all of them can help you. I especially recommend this mindfulness meditation training.
Helpful Tips to Prepare Yourself for More Self Esteem
- Tell yourself “I can do”, “I can have” and believe that whatever you want in life, you can have it because you can create it.
- Work out exactly how and when you are not valuing yourself by asking yourself “What annoys me? When do I get most annoyed?” Think about the feelings you experience in those situations and try to understand why you are not valuing yourself in those situations. What can you change about how you think so you can value yourself more in those moments?
- Starting a daily journal may help you to explore the times when you get really irritated as above and will allow you to examine what is happening in your mind and what you should do about it.
Make a real effort to find the real you. If you are not living true to who you are, then one result is low self esteem. The real you is natural and confident and totally unique.
You should spend time finding out exactly who you really are. This adventure leads to happiness because when you live according to your values and strengths, your life is fulfilling and meaningful. Many find this through the proven ancient technique of meditation. Find out how to meditate here.
Self Development vs Self Improvement
Why is this important for you? Well, if you focus on improvement you may think there are things wrong with you that need fixing and this is quite a negative way of thinking.
If you think in terms of self development you can appreciate that life is all about learning and developing by moving forward, it is not about constantly fixing things. When you are building your self esteem you need positive changes not corrections or fixes.
To improve your self esteem and confidence you need to change. The biggest change is in your way of thinking. Perhaps you also need to make changes in your life too that match this new way of thinking.
You should aim to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and this will enable you to take steps towards your self development. However, these changes need time and energy.
Have you ever noticed how confident people have lots of energy? In the same way, those with low self esteem have little energy. So building up your energy levels is a good first step to breaking the negative cycle. How do you improve your energy levels? Here are a few suggestions:
- Get more exercise – which not only makes you more energetic but helps you to look and feel better.
- Eat well – diet is so important. Don’t skip or miss meals and eat healthy food. You should respect your body by thinking carefully about what you eat.
- Sleep well – do everything you can to get a good night’s sleep. Don’t take sleeping tablets but aim for natural sleep as a result of being tired from healthy exercise. If you want to enjoy restful natural sleep – read this – it really helped me when I was suffering from insomnia.
- Spend time as often as you can with those you love. Make time in your week for activities and passtimes you enjoy.
Improving How You Feel Inside
How to improve self esteem and self image?
The best way to answer this question is to tell you how I improved my self image and esteem and I hope my experience will help you to do the same. First let me briefly tell you that I suffered from very low self esteem, low confidence and depression for many years. I went through my youth and even into my late twenties as a very shy person who had few friends and little social life. I felt inferior and thought I was unattractive. I hated any attention and avoided it like the plague.
Now my life is very different and I have confidence. I know back then my view of myself was completely unrealistic. If only I knew what I know now I would have been a happy young man. How did I make the change?
I did it step by step. I tried to change my thoughts from negative to positive. I filled my brain with positive things. I know that is easily said, it took me many months really at least to recover my self esteem and rid myself of my depression. I also saw a therapist and took medication to allow me to relax enough to work on my thinking. Therapy and counseling can really help – it’s something worth considering.
What worked for me
I started writing about self help and my experiences. I began to help others like you who were suffering from the same problems. Changing the focus from you to others is another great step in conquering poor self image. I also started to be kind to myself. I thought about what I wanted and planned ways to go about getting that.
I even wrote a best-selling book called “Self esteem Secrets” which guides you through twelve steps to improving how you feel about yourself. Check out my best-selling book here.
7 Quick Ways to Improve Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is important for your health and well-being especially when looking at the psycho-social aspect. This is paramount to being confident, a quality that can help you out in various situations presented to you.
Gaining this confidence is not something easy especially if you once lost your sense of self-being. The good thing is that you can regain it back and get back to being the biggest and most admirable person in the room.
Let us look at how you can improve or regain your self-esteem and subsequently improve your social skills.
1: Gain Some Knowledge On Various Topics
Being knowledgeable on several topics puts you in a position to discuss them openly without being afraid of being wrong one thing that may get into the way of your confidence. As such, you need to get books, journals and even peruse the internet for interesting topics that amaze you.
Apart from gaining your esteem you also get more exposure to tons of information that can help you out in your life. With such knowledge, you can seat at the table of the respected and hold meaningful debates and conversation with your input being much appreciated.
2: Get A Hobby
Another way to improve your esteem is by getting a hobby that you can take part in comfortably. There are several things that you can opt for and be the best at it. You can go for sports such as soccer or athletics if you are physically fit. Additionally, you can opt for other activities such as cooking, reading or photography.
If you are good at what you do, you will receive tons of admirers who have interest in your pastime activities. Some may want you to introduce them to your hobbies and teach them. This level of appreciation in what you do shows how people around you are full of gratitude and can build up your confidence and courage.
3: Dress Right
Your level of self-confidence partly comes from how others treat you. As such you need to put yourself in a situation where you gain credence from your peers and be regarded with utter respect.
One way to go with this is by dressing nicely. Your attire is seen as an extension of your character and many people judge you according to how clad you are. Choose appropriate wear that shows how respectable you are.
A formal look is one of the ways in which you can have some sense of respect etched to you. Add some accessories such as watches .
Dressing right may also earn you some accolades and ensure that your first impression is always good.
4. Have Friends By Your Side
Friends are important when it comes to how to improve self esteem and confidence. Get friends who always uphold you and make you feel appreciated. Even if at the end of the day you are down, there is someone by your side who is willing to encourage you and show you that you are the best in whatever you do. They may also offer advice and a shoulder to lean on in case things do not work out as you anticipate.
Avoid friends who bash you as they make you feel down, which is not good for a dwindling self-esteem level.
5: Get Some Inspiration
At times all you need is some source of inspiration to get your spirit lifted. This may work wonders for your confidence and it is an advisable way to go. You can read a motivational book or go for an inspiring lecture which most of the time give you another insight into life. Sign up for one of these events and get back on track.
6: Acceptance As Part Of Healing
You self-esteem levels may be down due to an occurrence that you faced at a point of your life. It may be hard to recover and get back to normal, but you need to let go and try to heal from it. This is part of acceptance and in case it was a failure, take it as a step towards achieving your goals rather than a drawback. With such a mentality you can bring your credence back to its former state and feel the energy that comes with it.
7: Offer Help Or Become A Mentor
Another way in which you can gain some energy is by offering help where needed. In this case, you redeem yourself from feeling lowly of yourself and being productive in a select field. You can also become a mentor and guide others through the path of uncertainty.
Being this significant in someone else’s life can do justice in improving your dignity and self-assurance.
These are some of the ways that you can improve your self-worth which is important for your social growth. They are good options in the case of dwindling confidence which may get in the way of many things in your life.
My life, and my confidence, is incredibly improved now and depression is a thing of the past for me.
Take action and stop those negative thoughts! Download this recommended self hypnosis program now:
The Feel Good About Yourself CD contains 3 specially selected hypnosis sessions.
Five steps to high self esteem and confidence
There are some pretty simple steps you can take to improve your self esteem. I will show you how these five steps can help you improve your self confidence as well.
- Question your negative self talk – do you sometimes tell yourself things which stop you from acting positively? Do you hear a voice in your head which discourages you? This inner critical talk stops you achieving what you most want in life and makes you think negatively. When you begin to question the negative self talk which holds you back you see that most of what you tell yourself is not true. This first step is important because it will help you act more positively. Questioning your self talk will put you on a path towards more self confidence. Don’t believe everything you tell yourself, question it. Challenge your inner self to justify those negative comments which pop into your head.
- Help others – this is a great way to build your self esteem, because helping others makes you feel you have value. If you help another, then that person needs you and benefits from your presence in the world. This can be a source of great joy and give you a purpose in life beyond yourself. Doing something positive like this can also change your attitude completely.
- Make a list – maybe several lists! Your strengths, your achievements and focus on these. But don’t forget to note down what you think you can work on and improve in yourself. make sure these lists come from your heart and mind and not from the things that others tell you, honesty with yourself is very important.
- Challenge yourself – If life is too easy you begin to get bored and miserable. You may blame yourself for your lack of interest in life. The result may be low self esteem. Doing something challenging will increase your sense of self worth.A challenge doesn’t have to be something you fear. It can be an opportunity to grow and learn. Self-improvement is necessary if you want to improve your self esteem, so think of challenges as positive steps towards your goal of high self esteem!
- Learn something more – learning is a way to improve yourself. Knowledge is powerful and will make you more confident.As you saw above challenges can be scary but if you learn how to do something it becomes much easier. Knowledge frees you and empowers you so enjoy learning. Learn how to be self confident – register and join the many others who have taken this amazing course.
If you follow the above five steps your self esteem and your confidence will increase and your whole outlook on life will change. Enjoy the new you!
How can I improve my self esteem?
Want to improve your self esteem? Here are a few tips to get you started.
- Focus on your achievements – if you take some time to consider this, you will realize that you have achieved so many things in your life. It doesn’t matter what these achievements are exactly, only that they are important to you. List them and think about what they meant to you. It doesn’t matter what you think about your life at present, if you are honest with yourself you will make a long list and that will make you feel good. Every small thing you are proud of should be added to your list. The fact that you are focusing on positives will also help you to increase your level of self esteem.
- Make plans for the future – following on from above, the next thing to do is stop wasting time and procrastinating and get planning! What would you like to do but felt you couldn’t? Time to decide for yourself that you will do it now! Make a list of things you want to do, or want to change, and start thinking about how to make a start. Then take a breath and just begin. you won’t look back, I promise you!
- What do you like about yourself? – if you have low self esteem you probably keep reflecting on the things you don’t like about yourself, but if you reverse this thinking it is much more helpful. What do your friends like about you? Have you ever asked yourself that or even better, have you ever asked them? After you have listed all the things you like about yourself then the negative things seem smaller and less important.
- What can you change that will make you feel better about yourself? There are two kinds of changes you may wish to focus on. The first are changes in your life and how you are living it. Ask yourself are you happy in your job? Is it satisfying? Is there something else you’d rather do? Then what is stopping you from changing it? What about your relationships or your social life? If you would like to be more assertive, for example, then start working on that immediately. How? Well here’s a great place to start : click this link to get Assertiveness Training – a really helpful self hypnosis download that will help you enormously. Whatever it is that you feel you need to change then go ahead and do it. This will make you feel more in control of your life and your self esteem will begin to pick up.
- Accept yourself and who you are – there are many things about your personality and character and your life that you may not be able to change and that shouldn’t hold you back. Learn to accept those things and understand why you can still be happy and feel good about yourself despite these things. Try saying – well at least I am reasonably well off, or at least whatever you can think of that is positive. At least turns a negative into a positive.
- Disabilities are big hang-ups for many, but a disability doesn’t have to be an obstacle to your self esteem. If you have a disability, no matter what it is, then understand that there are many people with disabilities both physical and mental who have refused to let themselves feel bad because of it. The attitude you have is the most important thing. Your self esteem depends not on your disability but on your reaction to it, and above all, how you think about it. The idea is to change your attitude and thinking not the disability which may be permanent. Your self esteem is not set in stone, it can be improved as you work on yourself. I think you can indeed escape. You have decided to believe what you can or cannot do, change that and you can escape the prison which is your attitude. A shining example of this is Amy Purdy, who lost both her legs at the age of 19 but kept following her dreams to become a professional snowboarder – despite all the obstacles, she became the world’s top ranked adaptive female snowboarder, and she has been actively helping out others with disabilities. Check out the video below, it’s extremely inspirational!
- There is much more help on other pages in this website – here are a few more pages to read:
Low Self Esteem
Improving Self Esteem
Try Self-Hypnosis – it Works!
One of the best things you can do to improve your self esteem is to try out self-hypnosis. This is not like what you see in the movies or on stage – no one is going to trick you into a sleeping state or have you at their mercy. You remain fully aware and conscious. In fact, in a way you become more aware than ever, and are presented with the opportunity to re-evaluate certain patterns of behaviour and thinking.
Listening to empowering suggestions crafted by skilled and experienced psychologists, you naturally become more flexible and creative. And so you naturally feel better about yourself and more ready to take on the many challenges of life.
Uncommon Knowledge offers a lot of excellent self-hypnosis courses. I highly recommend Build your Self Confidence to start with – it is quick and easy to get acquainted with, and I guarantee it will help build your confidence. Remember, these courses are crafted by experienced psychologists using data from a vast selection of studies to help provide the best results. I have tried these courses myself and give them my highest recommendation. Self-confidence is key – if you feel more confident you will naturally feel better about yourself and your life in general, and will see a wonderful jump in your self esteem level. So what are you waiting for? Get started today.
Self Esteem Tips from a Reader
Here is a great tip from a reader – there’s some fantastic advice here.
“I will overcome my low self esteem with the help of positive or creative thinking” – Jawad”
Thanks for the emails. This is more of a comment as opposed to a question. I’m fresh out of college looking for a job. I just recently established my first meaningful relationship with a female. I’ve had relations with girls before but this is my 1st full blown girlfriend. I feel like it’s done wonders for me. I’m more productive, my social skills have improved & I’m waking up earlier. I feel like I already possessed these skills but my new relationship brought it out of me.
The changes in myself have been very noticeable. I remember in one of your emails from a while back you mentioned how having good relationships will help your self-esteem and I think you were completely right. I’ve been in such a good mood lately that I felt like I needed to share my experience. If only I had established a meaningful relationship sooner like in high school or college but better late than never.
There are still problems I face. I still wish I was a little more in shape, I’m still fresh out of college back at my moms house looking for a job..etc but I don’t feel overwhelmed by these so called problems. It is now obvious that I have the tools needed to fix any of my problems and that’s what I plan on doing.
Once again, I appreciate your emails. They’ve been very helpful & hopefully I can help someone else the way you’ve helped me.” – Samuel
My comments to the above tip:
“Thanks Samuel for sharing this. Yes, you do have amazing potential inside and we all do. Relationships can bring out the best and worst in us. I’m glad for your happiness. There is a lesson here. If you want higher self esteem, love can help you achieve it.”
|“I have been visiting this site a while and it’s fantastic. Whenever I’m feeling bad about myself it gives me a real lift. The advice on here is second to none and has made me feel like a better person. Thanks for your words of inspiration.” Ruth|
Before you go – If you’re serious about improving your self esteem, I also recommend you download this fantastic self-hypnosis program – Building Self Esteem . This is one of the first programs I tried through Uncommon Knowledge and it works like a charm! It is designed to help you obtain the inner strength and courage you need to overcome difficulties, improve your social and working relationships and help improve your overall self-confidence. Give it a try and let me know what you think! I’m convinced it will change your life!
Confidence and self esteem go together. They are vital weapons needed to face the challenges of life. Lack of self belief can stop you achieving anything. This is because you’ll be more likely to give up before you get very far and you’re likely to believe the negative things others say to you. With confidence in yourself you can’t be stopped and you will become more assertive. You’ll trust your decisions and be less likely to doubt. So we are agreed that confidence is extremely important but just how do you begin to build it? That’s what I’ll try to cover on this page so read on my friend…
Confidence building – no idea where to start?
People with high self esteem behave confidently. They value themselves and are at ease with who and what they are. This leads to confidence in themselves because they are happy with their place in the world. Higher self esteem enables you to see your strengths and positive qualities clearly. Low self esteem stops all your efforts to be confident because you cannot value yourself or who you are. If you feel you are worthless then you cannot respect yourself. With low self esteem your confidence is damaged because you look at yourself negatively and this creates self doubts which prevent you from realising your potential. One of the first and most important factors in building your confidence is to improve and work on your self esteem. Increasing your self esteem can help you overcome shyness, which is a common related problem.
Confidence matters in:
- relationships – lack of confidence will cause an imbalance in your relationship. You are a much better partner in any kind of relationship when you act confidently. Insecurity is never a good thing to take into any relationship and being confident in yourself means that you are likely to have things in perspective. Relationships have ups and downs and if you are insecure you put at risk even the best friendships when things get tough.
- work – all aspects of the modern workplace revolve around confidence. The more confident you are, the better your performance will be at work and the more likely you are to get recognition for the talent and ability you show. Here are some ways to become more confident at work .
- public speaking – this skill is becoming more important now and students and employees are now regularly expected to give presentations at work. In daily life, too, speeches and other public speaking engagements can be a real problem if you suffer from low self confidence.
- parenting – as a parent you can create an atmosphere that your child will benefit from only if you show confidence. An insecure parent will create a negative environment which will in turn create negativity in the child. Being a confident parent is so much more healthy and beneficial for your child.
- life skills – decision making is harder if you have self doubts and you are much less able to see things clearly. Confidence often leads to success because you take chances and will not give up easily. Even if you don’t get results immediately you can try again so achieving your goals becomes more likely. improving situations or circumstances you don’t like
- expressing yourself – read more about being yourself socially
- taking up new challenges – it is a big plus to have confidence because this will obviously help you to take on new challenges especially if they seem particularly difficult. You can overcome your fears and take the first step towards facing the difficulties that may lie ahead if you are confident because your attitude will be so much more positive. Any setback you face will not defeat you and you will be less likely to give up.
- being open to change – this needs a very positive attitude which will certainly melt away if you have too many doubts.
- self improvement – this requires a lot of work and determination which confidence will better prepare you for and help you to carry through your plan until you succeed.
Where does self-confidence come from?
It comes from several sources:
- from within yourself
- directly from others
- as a result of your achievements
Some people appear naturally confident but guess what? They’ve learnt how to be that way and so can you! Just because someone seems confident on the outside, does not mean they feel that way inside. Some people have learnt how to look confident and that will certainly help you to feel better and encourage you as others respond to you in a more positive way. The secret to taking on challenges you fear is to learn how to feel more confident and then you will look more relaxed, however, this is not the end of the story. You may still be scared inside, we’ll talk more about this in a moment.
If you lack self esteem or self-confidence you must look above for the reasons. You may be overly criticizing yourself or telling yourself negative things like “I’m bound to fail” or “I’m not good enough” or even “I don’t deserve to succeed”.
These will make failure likely. Check this page for how to end negative thoughts
Maybe you believe others comments about your inability to succeed or your faults as they see them. What’s stopping you proving them wrong or challenging their view instead of accepting it? Defend yourself. Your self esteem depends on it! If you have a poor opinion of yourself, why should others respect you?
Focus on what you have done and you can be proud of.
How to improve self esteem and become more confident and successful?
- Look for a model (someone who is confident) and learn from them. What is it they do that makes them confident, how do they act?
- Focus on your achievements and even if you failed try to work out what you did right and how you could succeed next time
- Act as if you were confident!
- Prepare thoroughly for any task so that you can be sure you are ready
- Work on any skills you need but first know exactly what you want, you can never be over trained or over skilled for any challenge in life.
- Learn relaxation skills
- Always smile
- Set reachable goals for yourself
- Reward yourself when you succeed
- A professional counselor or therapist may be helpful
Build your Self Confidence with the CD Trainer – Hypnosis downloads – quick, easy and guaranteed to help you build your confidence (prepared by experienced psychologists and gets my full recommendation) The CD Trainer is something you should have, so consider getting it – its worth every penny!
Unsure which are the best confidence building tools?
Use any tools available to you to improve your performance. Tools could be books, courses, attending seminars or researching the internet. Try using a journal to plot your successes as they occur. You can learn to become confident I promise – so start today!