Reviewed by Dr. Wong Huey Siew, PhD
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Building self esteem is not difficult and this page will help you as we cover the following points:
- how to increase your esteem and self confidence
- books you can read about self esteem
- what other information this website contains which you may find interesting
Building self esteem is a first step towards your happiness and a better life. If you have low confidence or low self esteem you will find it impossible to be the person you could be and your happiness will be limited.
Self esteem increases your confidence (Mayoclinic.org , Coudevylle et al 2011 ). Furthermore, if you have confidence you will respect yourself and you can respect others, improve your relationships and become happier….this is not a selfish goal because you will contribute more and share yourself with the world and those around you.
Low esteem causes depression, unhappiness, insecurity and low confidence. Also, inner criticism, that nagging voice of disapproval inside you, may cause you to stumble at every challenge and challenges can seem impossible. As your self esteem suffers, other’s desires may take preference over yours.
Want to increase your self confidence at work, in your daily life and improve your relationships?
– quick, easy and guaranteed to help you build your confidence (prepared by experienced psychologists and gets my full recommendation)
1. Face your fears – challenges seem scary but your fears are usually exaggerated. Therefore, facing your fears increases your confidence and boosts your esteem.
2. Forget your failures – learn from them. Avoid making the same mistakes again but don’t limit yourself by assuming you failed before so you can’t succeed this time. Try again because now you’re wiser and stronger. Don’t be trapped in the past!
3. Become more confident – I have prepared a 60 minute CD to help you build amazing confidence. Click here to get this fantastic Self Confidence Boosting CD Audio
4. Know what you want and ask for it. Learn about being assertive – you deserve your dreams to come true!
5. Reflect on your success. No-one else will! Isn’t everything easier when you take time to help yourself? Make a list of your successes and focus on the positive.
6. Talk – We often make assumptions about a situation or person which are not true. Your attitude and behaviour can be negatively affected so if you have any doubt or question ask and don’t assume you know why or how. There is much more about this and in a wonderful book I have read recently. I personally recommend you to read it too because you’re going to get a lot out of it. It’s called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, go click on the link to order this extraordinary book now.
7. Don’t be defeated! Try something else, or are you going to be defeated by one failed attempt? After all, doesn’t everyone fail before they succeed? All you need is a different approach. Good luck! I wish you happiness and success as you learn how to build your self esteem.
8. Explore this website to understand and inform yourself about self esteem and then take action.
More Steps You Can Follow to Strengthen Your Self-Esteem
“You are what you eat” is a famous saying first written down by Victor Lindlahr in 1923 but as regards self esteem we need to change this to read “You are what you think”.
Self esteem is something that will get you through the difficult times, and it is especially then that it will become your best friend and your strongest weapon. However, it is not a selfish goal, as Nethaniel Brandon says:
“There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.”
Benefits of Self esteem
Building self esteem also enables you to be kinder to others and respect not just yourself, but others as well. So don’t let others ever tell you it is selfish. Here are some interesting ways you may not be aware of how to build your self esteem.
By building self esteem you will enjoy better relationships as you will treat others with more respect. After all, if you cannot respect yourself, why should you respect others? Also, the self awareness you gain from working on yourself will enable you to understand the motives and needs of others better too.
When you feel better about yourself you will also have less stress and there will be no need for boasting. Your inner confidence will be enough for you and you will be less reliant on the opinion of others. You will not have to seek the approval of others because the most important factor will become your own self approval. This is all good. Here’s an in-depth look at the impact of self-esteem you should check out.
Before moving on, I want to also talk about hidden and surface self esteem. Hidden self esteem is how you feel deep down, in your subconscious. This is likely to be ingrained in you from your life experience and these are your real deep feelings and thoughts which control your values and beliefs. The second kind of self esteem is that on the surface. This can be thought of as your daily temporary level that constantly changes. It is influenced more by what happens to you and your reaction to that. It is easier to change your surface self esteem.
Simple Steps to Build Your Self Esteem
OK, onto the steps to help you and these are steps that I took so they come from personal experience, I hope they will also help you:
- Fill your head with good thoughts and images. I listened to positive and relaxing music that inspired me and changed my mood imediately. I also read books which taught me to think positively.
- Stop watching the news on TV. It is so negative and brings you down every day. Rather, concentrate your focus on what is good in the world and not the sensationalist news on TV.
- List positive things about you. Write out at least five things and read your list. This changes your focus. There is no advantage to focusing on your faults.
- Question what you say to yourself. Your self talk should be encouraging and supportive not negative and such that it fills you with doubts.
- Gratitude is very powerful. So, every morning and evening tell yourself all the things you are thankful for. Even if your life seems awful, there are always positives. Concentrate on those and say thank you for them. Also, don’t forget that if you think about what is right then you are more likely to get more of it.
- Work hard to remove those negative thoughts and messages you have in your head. Something your father told you years ago may be affecting you badly even today. You have the choice what to think and what to believe, so don’t be imprisoned by something someone else told you, even if it was a loved one.
- Get away from negative people and spend time with friends who are more positive and supportive.
- Ask yourself important questions like: “What do I really want?”, “What do I love to do?”, or “What would I do if I had more courage to do it?” Then, when you have done this, make a plan to act on your answers and to build the courage which will allow you to do what you want to.
- Last, but definitely not least, if you want to improve your life in any way, then there is one thing you should do. Give. It is not right to focus so much on you that you forget to give to others. By focusing on others, you will make your life more rewarding and balanced. You will be rewarded by others giving to you as much as you give to others. Just make sure you give without expecting anything in return.
Take action Now
Take action and start building your self esteem now, get my e-book and learn the most important twelve steps you need to follow to achieve a high level of self esteem so that you can enjoy your life and be happy! I’ve written this book to help you, so go take a look.
Feel Good About Yourself
There are emotional states that may help you to boost your self esteem. These include feeling appreciation, gratitude and acceptance.
Get used to feeling appreciation for all the little things in life from a beautiful sunset to a pretty smile, from a lovely small puppy to a beautiful picture. Experience how it feels to really appreciate something. We have already talked about practicing gratitude above. However, acceptance is also important. Practice acceptance of things you can’t control. How does it feel when you accept things?
The way to build your self esteem is to practice the steps we have talked about. In other words, accept yourself, be happy for who you are and appreciate and value the real you. Good luck!
Read these Great Books – Click to buy from Amazon.com – Recommended
Great ideas for anyone working with people or kids – learning can be fun! For counsellors, teachers etc… I love this one!
#2 Self-Esteem: A proven program for assessing, improving and maintaining your … by Mathew McKay, Patrick Fanning
Very practical! Learn to stop criticising yourself. I enjoyed the section about dealing with anger. Recommended
#3 The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Brenden
Lots of exercises. Great if you want a program which will bring positive changes into your life. An excellent choice!
Mayo Clinic “Self-esteem: Take Steps to Feel Better about Yourself” Available at https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374
Coudevylle, Gernigon and Ginis. 2011. “Self-esteem, self-confidence, anxiety and claimed self-handicapping: A mediational analysis” Psychology of Sport and Exercise, Volume 12, Issue 6, Pages 670-675