Building Your Self Esteem in Easy Steps

Written by Karl Perera BA, MA, DipLC
Updated: May 9th, 2020

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Positive thinking Tick for building self esteem Building self esteem is not difficult and this page will help you as we cover the following points:

  • how to increase your esteem and self confidence
  • books you can read about self esteem
  • what other information this website contains which you may find interesting

Building self esteem is a first step towards your happiness and a better life. If you have low confidence or low self esteem you will find it impossible to be the person you could be and your happiness will be limited.

woman feeling confident

Self esteem increases your confidence ( , Coudevylle et al 2011 ). Furthermore, if you have confidence you will respect yourself and you can respect others, improve your relationships and become happier….this is not a selfish goal because you will contribute more and share yourself with the world and those around you.

Low esteem causes depression, unhappiness, insecurity and low confidence. Also, inner criticism, that nagging voice of disapproval inside you, may cause you to stumble at every challenge and challenges can seem impossible. As your self esteem suffers, other’s desires may take preference over yours.

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More Tips:

1. Face your fears – challenges seem scary but your fears are usually exaggerated. Therefore, facing your fears increases your confidence and boosts your esteem.

2. Forget your failures – learn from them. Avoid making the same mistakes again but don’t limit yourself by assuming you failed before so you can’t succeed this time. Try again because now you’re wiser and stronger.  Don’t be trapped in the past!

3. Become more confidentI’ve prepared this 60 minute CD to help you build amazing confidence.

4. Know what you want and ask for it. Learn about  being assertive – you deserve your dreams to come true!

5. Reflect on your success. No-one else will! Isn’t everything easier when you take time to help yourself? Make a list of your successes and focus on the positive.

6. Talk – We often make assumptions about a situation or person which are not true. Your attitude and behaviour can be negatively affected so if you have any doubt or question ask and don’t assume you know why or how. There is much more about this and in a wonderful book I have read recently. I personally recommend you to read it too because you’re going to get a lot out of it. It’s called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, go click on the link to find out more about this extraordinary book now.

7. Don’t be defeated! Try something else, or are you going to be defeated by one failed attempt? After all, doesn’t everyone fail before they succeed? All you need is a different approach. Good luck! I wish you happiness and success as you learn how to build your self esteem.

8. Explore this website to understand and inform yourself about self esteem and then take action.


More Steps You Can Follow to Strengthen Your Self-Esteem

“You are what you eat” is a famous saying first written down by Victor Lindlahr in 1923 but as regards self esteem we need to change this to read “You are what you think”.

Self esteem is something that will get you through the difficult times, and it is especially then that it will become your best friend and your strongest weapon. However, it is not a selfish goal, as Nethaniel Brandon says:

“There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.”

More quotes from Nethaniel Brandon

Benefits of Self esteem

Building self esteem also enables you to be kinder to others and respect not just yourself, but others as well. So don’t let others ever tell you it is selfish. Here are some interesting ways you may not be aware of how to build your self esteem.

By building self esteem you will enjoy better relationships as you will treat others with more respect. After all, if you cannot respect yourself, why should you respect others? Also, the self awareness you gain from working on yourself will enable you to understand the motives and needs of others better too.

When you feel better about yourself you will also have less stress and there will be no need for boasting. Your inner confidence will be enough for you and you will be less reliant on the opinion of others. You will not have to seek the approval of others because the most important factor will become your own self approval. This is all good. Here I’ve written an in-depth look at the impact of self-esteem you should check out.

Before moving on, I want to also talk about hidden and surface self esteem. Hidden self esteem is how you feel deep down, in your subconscious. This is likely to be ingrained in you from your life experience and these are your real deep feelings and thoughts which control your values and beliefs. The second kind of self esteem is that on the surface. This can be thought of as your daily temporary level that constantly changes. It is influenced more by what happens to you and your reaction to that. It is easier to change your surface self esteem.

Simple Steps to Build Your Self Esteem

OK, onto the steps to help you and these are steps that I took so they come from personal experience, I hope they will also help you:

  • Fill your head with good thoughts and images. I listened to positive and relaxing music that inspired me and changed my mood immediately. I also read books which taught me to think positively.
  • Stop watching the news on TV. It is so negative and brings you down every day. Rather, concentrate your focus on what is good in the world and not the sensationalist news on TV.
  • List positive things about you. Write out at least five things and read your list. This changes your focus. There is no advantage to focusing on your faults.
  • Question what you say to yourself. Your self talk should be encouraging and supportive not negative and such that it fills you with doubts.
  • Gratitude is very powerful. So, every morning and evening tell yourself all the things you are thankful for. Even if your life seems awful, there are always positives. Concentrate on those and say thank you for them. Also, don’t forget that if you think about what is right then you are more likely to get more of it.
  • Work hard to remove those negative thoughts and messages you have in your head. Something your father told you years ago may be affecting you badly even today. You have the choice what to think and what to believe, so don’t be imprisoned by something someone else told you, even if it was a loved one.
  • Get away from negative people and spend time with friends who are more positive and supportive.
  • Ask yourself important questions like: “What do I really want?”, “What do I love to do?”, or “What would I do if I had more courage to do it?” Then, when you have done this, make a plan to act on your answers and to build the courage which will allow you to do what you want to.
  • Last, but definitely not least, if you want to improve your life in any way, then there is one thing you should do. Give. It is not right to focus so much on you that you forget to give to others. By focusing on others, you will make your life more rewarding and balanced. You will be rewarded by others giving to you as much as you give to others. Just make sure you give without expecting anything in return.

Take action Now

Take action and start building your self esteem now,  get my e-book and learn the most important twelve steps you need to follow to achieve a high level of self esteem so that you can enjoy your life and be happy! I’ve written this book to help you, so go take a look.

Feel Good About Yourself

There are emotional states that may help you to boost your self esteem. These include feeling appreciation, gratitude and acceptance.

Get used to feeling appreciation for all the little things in life from a beautiful sunset to a pretty smile, from a lovely small puppy to a beautiful picture. Experience how it feels to really appreciate something. We have already talked about practicing gratitude above. However, acceptance is also important. Practice acceptance of things you can’t control. How does it feel when you accept things?

The way to build your self esteem is to practice the steps we have talked about. In other words, accept yourself, be happy for who you are and appreciate and value the real you. Good luck!

Recommended Reading:

six pillars of self esteem Check out my choice of recommended books that I love, have read and reviewed for you. Any copy you get will help me support this website, so thanks for your support!


Mayo Clinic “Self-esteem: Take Steps to Feel Better about Yourself” Available at

Coudevylle, Gernigon and Ginis. 2011. “Self-esteem, self-confidence, anxiety and claimed self-handicapping: A mediational analysis” Psychology of Sport and Exercise, Volume 12, Issue 6, Pages 670-675

Website Author and Editor Bio

Photo of Karl Perera, MA, DipLC Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach, Teacher and author of Self Esteem Secrets. His qualifications include Masters and DipLC. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run since 1997 and is an expert in Self Esteem and Self Development.

27 thoughts on “Building Your Self Esteem in Easy Steps”

  1. Here’s a great article I believe will indefinitely help others too.

  2. Thanks for inspiring. Reading opens mind and it has brought me to places far and wide beyond.

  3. Anonymous

    Self-Confidence: An X-Factor for success.

    Do check my articles regarding self help

  4. clarence warlick

    I appreciate the information shared, and there were some confirming ideas…

  5. Nayan Deshmukh

    How to raise self esteem by Nathaniel Branden is also excellent…!!!

  6. Feeling more confident is an ongoing exercise. Trying more assertive behavior and less passive or aggressive behavior is the goal.

  7. Avoiding making the same mistakes again but not limiting yourself by assuming you failed before so you can’t succeed this time is sort of my logo. When trying to get self-confidence, it is vital to let o the fear, as they say here But as you mentioned, there are lots of different factors, we should change them step by step.

  8. Doing something meaningful, like volunteering in NGO helps with self esteem, as you are contributing to another human being.

  9. Its really so useful. force me to think some good things about myself and give confident that I’m still better than many others.

  10. Thank you for the great effort.

    I’m also committed to read at every day. I wanted to surround myself with positive people and think more positively.

    And I do agree that TV usually will only broadcast negative news. I’d rather spend my time on books. 🙂

  11. Hi, I know there is a God that really loves you and want to accept you and forgive you. That is a brand new start to feel accepted. He gave his Son on the cross for all that is wrong in your life. Give Him a chance in your life. I will pray for you.

  12. Richard Chamberlain

    Using Karls site over the years brought me from worthless to priceless and discovering my true self thank you Karl.

  13. I can’t improve myself even I had read many books or website 🙁


    Positive thinking is the best way to improve our self esteem

  15. Keo titmakara

    I’m a lazy person in my family, Today I decide to stop my bad habit when I read on your website thanks for your information

  16. Build Self Esteem

    Great Post and Nice Article….I like it.Thanks for Sharing.

  17. Lacylover218

    I think this will help in the future and right now. I don’t know if it’ll change my classmates perspectives though. I just feel a little left out sometimes and I try to change some things around here, but it’s hard enough just keeping up in school.

  18. Neon Emmanuel

    I really want to build a good selftesteem that makes me better than the rest and stronger in courage than my work mate, and this article was an entirely helpful one.

  19. please click the following website

    This is a topic that is near to my heart… Cheers!
    Exactly where are your contact details though?

  20. Graciela Bergevin

    Simply wanna input that you have a very decent site, I enjoy the pattern it actually stands out.

  21. Lovely. This is well thought out and inspiring. Is there a possibility for including inspiring quotes?

  22. Maybe I should develop an app for this? what do you think?

  23. I have improved on my self esteem and the messages are helping me a lot . I know it maybe too muc to print daily motivations and advice but it would be lovely to get them daily. I love it.

  24. christopher

    Iam slowly near to become the person I want to be because of your messages

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