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Signs You’re Self-Loathing

Written by Karl Perera BA, MA, DipLC
Updated: May 15th, 2020

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You are your worst critic. It is a common habit for individuals to hold themselves to the highest standards and then beat themselves up when those expectations aren’t met. It is normal to be harder on yourself than others. But, much negative thinking about yourself can lead to an array of consequences. When you reach a level where you truly hate who you are, something must be done about this self loathing. If your feelings about yourself aren’t resolved, it can destroy your life relationships, career, and well-being.

The first step to stopping self-loathing or self-hate would be to be aware of the signs that you just don’t love yourself or believe in who you are anymore.

  1.      Poor Eating Habits

Lots of people who hate themselves will often use food as a form of punishment. Some, choose to eat too much while others don’t eat enough. Overeating becomes a pattern and reason for hating yourself. Essentially by eating more food, you feel shame later and as a result, have lived up to the negative opinion you have of yourself. Those who under eat often feel as if they don’t deserve nourishment and deprive themselves of foods they both love and need.

  1.      Drug or Alcohol Addiction

Vices like drugs and alcohol are common for those who want to mask emotions. It may start with a glass of wine or a joint per day, but this vicious cycle of numbness and shame often lead to dependency and addiction to harsher drugs and higher potencies of alcohol. Eventually, you’re using heroin or drinking pints of liquor only to come down off your high or wake up with a hangover which leaves you feeling ashamed.


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To stop feeling ashamed, essentially you abuse drugs and alcohol more. This post on how long does it take to detox from heroin , states it can take weeks for the drug to be removed from your system and most don’t recover as the withdrawal symptoms are too much to bear. Theoretically, without help, those who have self-hate, develop a fatal relationship with drugs and alcohol.

  1.      Negative Self-Talk

Do you find yourself talking defeat before you even start the day? This is a common practice for those who self-loath. They psyche themselves out to believe that they can’t accomplish anything, and essentially it is what manifests in real life. This again creates a negative cycle in that your failures start to stand as confirmations that you’re a negative or bad person.

  1.      Demise of Relationships

Many people who hate themselves believe that they don’t deserve anything positive. This includes love and kindness. They sabotage their own relationships as a means of preventing people from getting too close to them. Those who self-loath have been known to neglect their partners, be physically or verbally abusive, and even become unfaithful. These reckless behaviors essentially ruin the relationship which then justifies their hateful thoughts that they don’t deserve happiness.

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If you can relate to any of the above-mentioned scenarios, it is a very real possibility that you’re self-loathing. Hating yourself stems from something you’ve failed at or something that you dislike about yourself. It drudges up negative feelings and emotions about who you are and your ability to be successful. If this is you, the best thing you can do is start rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem, remove all expectations, and essentially start accomplishing things that make you proud of who you are. IF you’re dealing with addiction, seek professional help for your road back to recovery.

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Website Author and Editor Bio

Photo of Karl Perera, MA, DipLC Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA) and author of Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run since 1997 and is an expert in Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

11 thoughts on “Signs You’re Self-Loathing”

  1. Jeañ clark Clark

    This is me, I experience negative self talk, going around in my head, sometimes at night.I pull away from people, knowingthatif theyknew methey wouldn’t,t like me.I stuggle with intimacyissues. I feel my husband would bebetteroffwithout me.IVe made lots of mistakes in my marriage.and sometimes stuggle of see any future.

  2. I did not handle my finances well and am therefore in a poor situation to retire. I am having to work several years longer than expected. I dislike myself for being so foolish and can’t get out of the rut I am in

  3. Adolph Bighetty

    Thank-u again of finding out what has been the root cause of my behaviour in addiction and other circumstances in my self esteem that i haven’t recoqnize. but, reading ur articalcles and inspirations has given some pointers how to behave myself and other obstasticles that i have barriers in my self esteem. so, i have been self loathing all this time, by repressing it.

  4. Thanks so much for dis wonderful article, I am beginning to love myself more than Eva before

  5. Barbara Nyamedee

    I really love this article
    I’m such a person who normally think that I can’t accomplish my dreams.Negativity was killing me but now I can clearly say that those negativity has no dominion over me.Thanks a lot for your wonderful article.

  6. Anonymous

    Sometimes, not always. I do love myself!

  7. Evelyn Ruiz

    Very well done, so helpful. Thank you for. Your insipering writing

  8. Anonymous

    Thank you Karl this good start of the year we must start the year with a positive attitude this is great

  9. This was a good reading.
    I have never thought about if I hate myself but while i was reading lot’s of thoughts ran through my minde. And i think that i do not value my self as a person. I was taught in my youth that I was too selfish. So I started to se myself like that and started to change myself for others.

  10. Demise of relationships is so familiar. I am working on rebuilding relationships with my friends though.

  11. Anonymous

    I hate my self .people have made fun of me for years . I have been called so many name that it hurts me. I don’t know how to laugh or say no. I didn’t yell screem .I hold everything inside

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