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by Karl Perera
In this short article I would like to show you how damaging perfectionism can be and how to overcome it..
Are you a perfectionist?
- When you achieve something do you take pride in it and feel good or do you tell yourself you could have done it better?
- Do you laugh at your mistakes? Or do you take them very seriously and go over them in your head afterwards?
- Can you ignore untidiness? Or must everything be in its place?
- Can you leave a job half done? Or would this drive you mad?
If you answered yes to the second option in the above questions, then perhaps you are to some degree a perfectionist. We all are at times, the question is to what degree are you a perfectionist? And how does it affect your day to day life?
Perfectionism can cause a lot of problems if you let it…so let’s discuss this and how it relates to your self esteem.
What harm can perfectionism cause?
If you are a perfectionist this may cause you to experience many problems. Perfectionism can:
- cause you to have low self esteem
- stop you being happy
- hurt your relationships
One by one, let’s take a look at the points above and you’ll see why it is so important to stop being such a perfectionist.
Perfectionism can prevent you from experiencing satisfaction from anything you achieve. A perfectionist believes that nothing he or she does is good enough, because only perfection is acceptable. The trouble is perfection doesn’t exist. You are therefore driving yourself to achieve the unachievable which can only end in disappointment. This can get even worse when self sabotage strikes, the act of stopping yourself from moving forward.
A perfectionist often has low self esteem because he/ she can’t accept himself/ herself as he/ she really is – imperfect. Imperfection is what makes you human.
Likewise, you cannot be happy if you cannot accept the world or your life as it is. You will constantly try to make everything perfect, which is impossible. You need to stop worrying instead of trying to fix everything. Happiness depends on acceptance and joy in the present, with how things are now. Chasing something that is not possible except in your mind may drive you crazy and stress you out.
Overcoming perfectionism can improve self esteem and increase happiness. What about relationships?
Self esteem and happiness play their part in a good relationship. What’s more, people in relationships need to help each other grow in self esteem and happiness. If one person in a relationship is a perfectionist they will demand perfection from the other.
Perfectionists create stress on themselves and on their friends or partners and are very demanding. Relationships need give and take and acceptance of one another’s faults is a big part of that. If you cannot accept the reality of your partner’s or your own faults then you may drive your partner away from you or hurt them when you criticize.
Overcoming perfectionism will reward you with better relationships because you will stop demanding that your partner become exactly what you want and without any faults. That’s never going to happen!
How can you overcome perfectionism?
- Quite simply the best advice I can give – download overcoming perfectionism now – don’t suffer any more..this hypnosis download will help you to rid yourself of the need for everything to be perfect so give it a try.
- Take a look around you and focus on the beauty in nature – it’s not perfect is it but its wonderful nonetheless..
- Instead of focusing on how people fail to reach your standards, ask yourself what did they do that you’re grateful for
- Next time you expect something try making your expectations more realistic
- Remind yourself how everyone thinks and sees things differently. Are you sure that your standards are so correct?
- Try to look at the good things in any situation and you’ll be surprised at how positive you can be…
Read my son’s great article near life experience
Website Author and Your Guide
Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA), and author of the book Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run More-SelfEsteem.com since 1997 since suffering from low self esteem for more than 25 years overcoming it in his thirties.