Written by Karl Perera, MA, DipLC
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First let’s take a second to think about what negative affirmations are. They are words that you repeat often and you should never underestimate the incredible power they have to cause problems. Quite simply, if you repeat something often enough you will start to believe it. You may have quite a few negative affirmations running through your head which can change your life in a very bad way.
Some of these messages you carry in your head may lead to depression, lack of self esteem and low self confidence. These are things which obviously affect your happiness and well-being greatly. The good news is you have the power and resources you need inside you to help yourself get out of this trap, I’ll talk to you about that in a few minutes so keep on reading…
If you are used to hearing negative comments from others and in particular if you suffer from verbal abuse then you may be at risk of becoming a victim even if that abuse stops. What sometimes happens is that some people get so used to verbal abuse and insults they actually come to expect them and this is why some people seem to continually get caught up in abusive relationships and accept it. You do not deserve to put up with this if this is something in your life. No-one should accept abuse as normal.
Messages that you get can really affect you negatively. Imagine someone who is subjected to negative comments all day long at work. Because of the money people in jobs like this sometimes just put up with this but the result is low self esteem. Likewise, what your partner says to you or what parents or friends say may stick in your mind and damage your self esteem if you let it.
One of the worst things for your self esteem is self talk. This is what you say to yourself. We are often our worst judge. If you fail in some way the things you say to yourself will reflect in how you feel about yourself. If you have to listen to negative messages from others then you need to be extra supportive to you. Positive self talk will encourage you and make you strong enough to withstand the negativity outside of you and even to ignore it.
If you suffer from low self esteem then my e-book will help you take control of your thoughts and show you how you can take simple steps to rebuild a life filled with happiness and confidence.
How Your Thinking Stops You
The thoughts that go through your head make you who you are. Thoughts cause a reaction and that reaction drives how you behave. Everything first begins with a thought even if you are unaware of it. What affect do these thoughts have? Here are a few of the most important results of negative thinking:
- low self esteem which we have just talked about
- negative thoughts, if repeated, may create stubborn limiting beliefs which will decide how you respond to certain sitautions and events in your life. These beliefs will definitely affect what you believe you are capable of and so affect the decisions you make.
- you may feel like a victim. You will become focused on what is going wrong and this will make it likely that you will feel stuck and unable to cope.
- self pity is one of the worst affects because it will increase your low self esteem and reinforce your feelings of being a victim.
- depression is a direct result of all the negative thinking combined with other factors such as stress and low self esteem.
Many people place the blame for the way life is treating them on so many different things or on others. Sometimes there is no blame because these things just happen.The important thing is how you deal with the negatives in life, maybe even turn them into positives. But sometimes even though you may try to change things for the better, you just can’t seem to do it. One reason could be that you are taking away your own personal power. This is called Disempowerment.
When you say “I can’t…” or “I don’t deserve…” you are disempowering yourself. Watch the language and the thimgs you tell yourself.
Remember this wonderful saying:
“You are the captain of your ship”.
This comes from a poem written by Mathew Bill. The power is yours and it is your life, take responsible and change your life into the life you want.
The power of words is immense. Many religions believe that the World was created by words from God. He spoke them and things became real. This shows how words can create reality and change things. If words are that powerful then be careful of your choice of the words you use to talk to yourself.
Listen to your inner desires and create positive affirmations that will help you in your goals. The words you use will then empower you to create the future you want.
Overcoming Self Defeating Thinking
The biggest problem if you want to start thinking positively and end your destructive negativity is that those kind of thoughts have probably become habit by now. As we all now breaking a habit is not easy. Before you even try to break a habit you better be 100% sure you want to do this. It will require some hard work. What is the secret to breaking a habit? Create a new one in its place.
Creating the habit of thinking positively needs a change in your attitude first. It is not difficult to write out some helpful positive affirmations and then repeat them often to yourself but nothing will happen unless you also change your attitude.
To help you with this these are some things you need to try:
- Understand and convince yourself that you are born to be a winner. Losing is what happens when you stop yourself from succeeding.
- Don’t forget that you should enjoy the journey towards achieving your goal. If you keep thinking about the end result as a means to happiness you will never be happy.
- Many of your negative beliefs may be wrong. How many of the limits you place on yourself are real? How many come from negative comments you got as you grew up? Question the truth of these beliefs. Create new more positive ones that will help you.
- Try to treat yourself better. Do you know that most people treat themselves very badly. If you think you should treat others with kindness then why do you not do the same for you?
Sabotaging your own Success
One of the greatest onstacles to your success is not fear of failure as most people think but fear of success. You may have spent such a long time seeing yourself as a failure that if you begin to work towards positive change you may face the thought that success could also be scary. You see anything new can be seen as either positive or negative. New challenges and opportunites for one person may be seen as risky and dangerous to another. What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to change things even if it means taking a small risk where the rewards are huge or will you continue to be a fearful person who would rather remain unhappy than take a chance to change things?
Fear of success results in self sabotage. Put simply, you will do things to prevent being successful. You may not even know you are doing this. Examine what you want and determine how you will get it. What steps will you take? What will success change in your life? See it in your mind and feel it? Make sure you are totally ready to be successful and that you really want that.
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Website Author and Your Guide
Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA), and author of the book Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run More-SelfEsteem.com since 1997 since suffering from low self esteem for more than 25 years overcoming it in his thirties.