How to Have Self-Confidence in a Relationship

Written by Karl Perera BA, MA, DipLC
July 3rd, 2019 | Updated: March 23rd, 2020

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It is critical to develop self-confidence in a relationship. However, many people suffer from low self-confidence issues as a result of having been hurt in earlier relationships or due to their partner having low self-confidence.

You stand to not only relate better with others if you have a healthy sense of self-esteem, but it will also enhance your health, ability to handle stress, and increase your contentment in the relationship.

Below are some tips on how you can improve your self-confidence in your relationship:

Have a sense of self -worth

You will be more attractive and lovable to your partner if you have a sense of self-worth. It is important for you to attach a tag of high value to yourself, and if necessary, do everything it will take to improve your confidence.

Do you need to get into a new physical activity, get a new hairstyle, change your wardrobe, learn something new to boost your confidence? Well, just do it since putting in the effort to improve your confidence will go a long way to build confidence in your relationship.

Have your individual life

While being in a relationship means that you and your partner will do most things together, you must not lose your own individual interests. It would be a big mistake to try to completely merge your life with your partner’s because you are likely to lose your sense of self.

Psychologist Sol Gordon advises in his book “How Can You Tell If You’re Really In Love?” that you are better off getting used to being on your own and being self-reliant before getting into a relationship with another person.

Be the partner you want the other to be

You get back what you give, so give positive things and they will most likely come back to you. As much as possible, focus on the positive things both in yourself and in your partner.

When you think and talk about yourself positively, you will build self-confidence. Also, pay attention to your partner’s positive attributes. Instead of criticizing your partner, give them compliments. More often than not, you will receive compliments and encouragement back from them.

Even if you are in a long distance relationship or possibly hooked up online on a dating site like Happymatches , you need to keep saying positive things to your partner when chatting online or writing each other emails. You should not be quick to judge or criticize when they do not call like they said they would unless it becomes a habit.

First, listen to his or her side of story and be as empathetic as possible.

Have a healthy relationship

To develop self-confidence, you need to have a good and healthy relationship with your partner. It is crucial to identify the things that build and foster a healthy relationship.

For example, you should feel that your partner gives you respect and treats you with the courtesy you deserve. You must also reject any bad treatment like constant criticism.

Work on your insecurities and fears

Everyone has some fears or insecurities that they grapple with.

Unfortunately, some people use their relationships to fuel their insecurities and fears. Take, for example, a woman who feels that she is not beautiful or is unattractive, and she misinterprets the actions of her boyfriend or husband to justify to herself that he is attracted to other women and not her.

Such a woman can raise issues with a reflex action of her spouse looking at a woman passing by, and she may feel that he thought that she was more beautiful than her. With that behavior of picking all of the wrong information out of almost every situation, the likely effect is damaging the relationship.

The best way to handle such insecurities is to work on correcting your perception errors and getting what you feel is missing. If you feel that you are not attractive, work on your self-image by improving your look, getting better clothes, and so on. Here are some more ideas how to feel attractive.

If you feel as if people do not like being around you because you are boring, learning about new things to be more interesting. Avoid trying to justify to yourself that you have glaring flaws, but instead work on eliminating them.

Don’t let your failures affect your self-esteem

No one is immune to failure, but what matters most is how each person handles the failure. Your failures do not define you.

Your successes, no matter how insignificant or small they are, define you. You should focus on your success, and that will help you to grow your self-image.

Similarly, focus on the positive things about others and be slower to judge them. That way, you will be more likable and will have better relationships that will help to boost your self-confidence.


Self-confidence in a relationship is critical because it enables you to enjoy good relations with your partner and makes both of you feel content. It also allows you to handle stress easily and have good health.

You can enhance your self-confidence in a relationship by having a sense of self-worth, pursuing your individual interests, focusing on positive things in your partner and yourself, and by ensuring that your relationship is healthy. Moreover, work on your insecurities and fears and learn to not let failure affect your self-esteem.

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