How to feel Attractive Now

Written by Karl Perera MA, DipLC.

This website contains affiliate links. If you buy, you are supporting my work. Thanks!

Feelings can be extremely complicated, so on this page we are going to examine an important aspect of self esteem and confidence which affects your relationships and social confidence. As attractiveness means different things to each of us, feeling attractive is much more important than trying to look a certain way. If you are looking to understand how to feel attractive, then you’ll need to learn why you might feel unattractive or ugly, what makes a person look attractive, (it’s not necessarily appearance), and what steps you can take today to start feeling more attractive.

If you have low self esteem you may feel unattractive. This can damage your confidence in relationships and social interaction. To feel attractive you should improve your confidence, develop your natural presence, personality and sense of humour.

A poor body image can cause you to believe you are unattractive or ugly. You may be completely unable to see how attractive you are because of your lack of confidence and negative self image. The good news is that body image is very much something that can be worked upon. Feeling good about your body is one major step towards feeling attractive

Download this self hypnosis program – feel attractive now – these programs work and I know this from personal experience. This one will help you to feel more attractive quickly and easily, give it a go!

What makes a person attractive?

Attractiveness is not just about beauty, it also includes:

  • a presence
  • a nice personality
  • confidence
  • a beautiful smile
  • a sense of humour

It is easy to see that low self esteem can make you a less confident person. You may hide your smile, presence and humour behind nervousness and awkwardness. When you look at a person, you look at more than the surface and some people ooze charm and beauty from the inside which only comes from a positive place. A pretty face and attractive body is great but more than anything these other factors make someone truly attractive.

According to Feingold (1992), there are many other factors of attractiveness besides physical ones. These include social skills, personality, intelligence, dominance, confidence, mental health and sexual appeal.

What Makes a Person Feel Attractive?

Apart from the very obvious things that might make a person feel attractive, there are many factors which contribute to this feeling. Abend and Williamson (2002) found that women who were optimistic felt they had more support and cooperation from their partners and felt more attractive. This may be the same for men as well, as it is likely that being optimistic will make relationships better and one result of a more successful relationship might be a feeling of attractiveness.

photo by Thought Catalog

Bosch et al. (2010) explain that because women compare themselves more than men, they place a higher importance on physical attractiveness. For this reason, most of the studies that have been carried out into the why and how of feeling attractive have focused on women.

Why do you feel unattractive?

There are several reasons why you may feel unattractive. As I have mentioned a major reason is poor self esteem and lack of confidence. Feingold (1992) mentions that it is commonly accepted by many researchers that low self esteem can cause a person to feel unattractive and the opposite is also true for those with high self esteem.

Criticism from others may make you feel very negative and this can increase your poor self esteem. For example, because of a poor level of self esteem you may dress in a conservative or way that doesn’t get you noticed. Consequently, your attractiveness may be hidden rather than highlighted.

Perhaps you indulge in self criticism and negative self talk. This constant inner negativity can cause you to feel inferior and unattractive.

If you have suffered from abuse you may have a victim mentality and you may come to feel you are unattractive because of what has happened to you.

If you are in a relationship which is abusive mentally or physically you need to do something. Either end the relationship or seek help to end the abuse (counselling). Read about how relationships affect your self esteem.

What are the Consequences of Feeling Unattractive?

In Feingold (1992) we have an example where a man who feels unattractive expects to be unsuccessful with his approaches to women. This belief may cause him to be socially anxious and unable to communicate confidently. The result of his behaviour will make him a failure as he expected. This is very much a self-fulfilling prophecy. The problem is that each time he confirms in his mind that his belief is true, he strengthens his feelings of being unattractive.

As Hamermesh (2011) shows there is a huge difference in the success of attractive and unattractive people. Among the interesting statistics and observations made, some really stand out. For example, according to Hamermesh, an attractive male can earn as much as $230,000 more in his lifetime than an extremely unattractive one. Also, being attractive can result in higher grades in education, more lenient prison sentences, acceptance for bank loans at lower interest rates and much more. If this is the reality anyone who feels attractive may expect better treatment at work, in education etc. and this will affect how they behave. There is a real possibility that if someone feels attractive they may act in such a way that makes it more likely that they will benefit.

How to feel attractive now

There are some things that you can do now to help yourself feel more attractive:

1. Smile More

Smiling sends positive messages to others. Apart from the obvious, smiling can suggest intelligence, a sociable nature, friendliness and much more. Those who smile are judged by others more positively. But is there any evidence that smiling can make you more attractive? Will it make you feel more attractive?

According to Lau (1982), who carried out a series of studies into the attractiveness of smiling faces of average appearance, a smile makes a person more likeable and pleasant to look at (therefore more attractive). This does not prove that a person who smiles will feel more attractive, but it is my belief that if, by smiling, others find you more attractive and respond to you in a much more positive and friendly way, then you should also feel more attractive.

So smile more and feel attractive! How often should you smile? Approximately a third of people smile about 20 times a day and children can smile more than twenty times as much as that! So, you should aim to smile as often as you can but let’s say at least once an hour. That should certainly make you feel much better and you’ll look better too!

2. Try Self-Hypnosis To Feel More Attractive

Hypnosis has been hailed for its transformative abilities since early civilisation. In ancient Egypt and Greece, ‘sleep temples’ used trance-like states as a therapeutic tool. Today’s proponents believe hypnotherapy helps rewire the brain and change damaging behaviours by creating new neural networks through neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to adapt and change.”

Jessica-Belle Greer. (2018)

Download this self hypnosis program – feel attractive now – these programs work and I know this from personal experience. This one will help you to feel more attractive quickly and easily, give it a go!

3. Think Good Thoughts

If your mind is beautiful, filled with good thoughts and positivity this can shine through and make you glow. You will feel attractive. Thinking good thoughts will help you improve your mental health and emotional health, decrease stress and make you happier. Your self confidence will improve too!

4. Take Care of Your face and Skin

The face is the centre of attraction and we use it to communicate our emotions. We use it to smile or to display facial expressions. These can be very attractive to others. If you look after your face and keep it healthy looking you will feel and look younger and more attractive.

One of the best ways to look after your face is to moisturise it. Our faces dry out quickly in the elements. Sun, wind and cold all take its toll. So moisturise your face in the morning and the evening and the difference will make you feel more attractive.

Face yoga is another easy and quick way to improve your face and how it looks. Get rid of bags under the eyes and firm up your facial muscles to look and feel younger and more attractive.

These were four quick and easy tips how to feel attractive now, don’t forget that working on your self esteem and your confidence is one of the best ways to feel better about yourself and how you look. That’s what this website is all about!

Self Esteem and Cosmetic Surgery – Will It Help You Feel More Attractive?

According to this review of studies, published in the medical Journal of Australia in 2002, both men and women are increasingly seeking to improve their appearance with cosmetic surgery. There are also claims that such surgery can improve mental health and self esteem. But is this true? In this article we will look at the evidence for this and I will offer advice, backed by the research, whether cosmetic surgery is a good idea or not for those seeking to build self confidence and self esteem.

According to Castle et al, (2002), most people who get cosmetic surgery seek to improve their physical appearance. Many studies have shown that patients often feel much better about themselves and experience improved self esteem and confidence (Ibid).

Not everyone agrees that cosmetic surgery increases self esteem, so let’s consider why this is, and whether or not cosmetic surgery is a good idea for boosting self esteem.

Are plastic surgery and cosmetic surgery different?

Before continuing let’s be clear about the two terms plastic surgery and cosmetic surgery and what differences there are. Will they have the same or different effects on a person’s confidence and self-esteem?

The two forms of surgery are different in several ways. According to the American Board of Cosmetic Surgery, the goal of cosmetic surgery is to improve physical appearance, whereas plastic surgery aims to rebuild parts of the body to restore function. An example of plastic surgery would be a procedure on the nose to allow a patient to breathe better. An example of cosmetic surgery would be to make the nose longer or straighter so that the face appears more attractive.

What are the Reasons Why People Get Cosmetic Surgery?

It does not matter who you are or where you live at one point or another there must have been something that you wish that you could change about your appearance. Although most people are content to live with their appearance, an increasing number of people are choosing to have plastic surgery, (see Eurekalert!, published by the AAAS), to change what they deem as physical imperfections and to improve their self esteem.

For many, the idea of undergoing cosmetic surgery is a way of dealing with an insecurity that is having a profound effect on their everyday lives. One factor behind patients choosing to have cosmetic surgery is body image, and this study confirms that cosmetic surgery can improve a patient’s body image. Self esteem is closely related to body image and the above study did also find increased levels of self-esteem in those who had cosmetic surgery.

It has long been known that appearance, especially body image, is linked to self esteem. An increasing number of celebrities and other famous people are getting plastic surgery to maintain or change their appearance and body image. It is often difficult to turn on the television without seeing yet another famous person getting some sort of enhancing treatments such as a face lift or botox injection. But does it actually help to boost self esteem?

This block contains unexpected or invalid content. Attempt Block Recovery Changing your physical attributes may change your outlook on life. If you feel more comfortable in your own skin, then your outlook on life will change as well. In general, you will be much happier and you will be able to concentrate more on the quality of your personal and professional life. For women who have had children, this can be especially true as the body might have changed in numerous ways. Many women would love to have a tummy tuck, liposuction or even a full-body lift due to the weight gain during their pregnancy.

With hair transplant before and after images such as these, as well as numerous other examples of cosmetic surgeries easily accessible online, there is plenty of information out there in order for the client to make an informed decision on whether cosmetic surgery will be helpful or not.

Ever since the occurrence of Size Zero, significant weight loss is one of the most common reasons for people wanting to obtain plastic surgery. Sagging skin and a mis-shapened body as time passes can alter one’s appearance. Both men and women who have lost a substantial amount of weight can benefit from a full body lift. Some smaller procedures such as a tummy tuck or breast reduction can also create an amazing difference in one’s appearance, boosting self esteem and helping you feel more attractive.

There are numerous procedures that one might consider when getting plastic surgery. As plastic surgery can be quite costly, it is important to make sure that it is really something that you want. In addition, recovery time can range from a couple of weeks to longer than six weeks depending on the procedure. It is imperative that you get adequate care and take time to rest so that all of the changes have time to heal properly. These are not only physical as mental health issues can arise before or after surgery. So make a careful decision before going ahead with any kind of surgery like this.

Cosmetic Surgery Can Bring New Found Confidence and Lasting Results

The time scale of confidence is different from person to person with some feeling confident for a number of months following their treatment and others experiencing this confidence for years. This study shows that there are longer-term (5 years) positive effects on patients who have had cosmetic surgery in order to enhance their appearance. The study does caution against such surgery for patients with certain psychological issues or mental health problems.

There are far more studies and follow ups carried out on a short term basis, say 6 months after surgery and so the evidence is more clear that there is a short term boost in patients’ happiness and body image up to this point. However, research is less clear that there is a permanent psychological change for those that have undergone a procedure. Therefore, anybody considering such surgery should be cautious and think carefully before deciding if it is for them or not.

If there is a number of underlying problems when building your confidence, it may also be beneficial to opt for a therapist or a member of your family as this will allow you to further explore the causes of the insecurity and lack of confidence and work towards bettering them for longer lasting results that boost confidence overall and help you to maintain a happy lifestyle.

So, whether you are looking to have a cosmetic procedure to remove an insecurity that you have been dealing with for a long time, or a temporary solution, such as lip fillers, there is a solution for you to help you feel happy and confident in your own skin. Which will you opt for to help you gain your confidence?

Conclusion – Does Cosmetic Surgery Help Build Self Esteem?

It does appear that cosmetic surgery may help those who suffer from problems with their self esteem and body image. However, I would not recommend such a drastic approach to everyone. There are certain risks, no matter how small, to having surgery. I would also question why you should need surgery to help you. The best answer to raising your self esteem is to look at your attitudes towards yourself and your appearance and understand what value you have as a person. You are not an object and you don’t need to look perfect. You are a unique individual, why should you decide that your imperfections, (and we all have them), need correcting for you to feel good about yourself? Do others really care?

Sources

  • Abend, T. A., & Williamson, G. M. (2002). Feeling attractive in the wake of breast cancer: Optimism matters, and so do interpersonal relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin28(4), 427-436.
  • American Society for Plastic Surgeons. (2020). Eurekalert! https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2019-03/m-nps030719.php
  • American Board of Cosmetic Surgery Website. Cosmetic Surgery v Plastic Surgery. https://www.americanboardcosmeticsurgery.org/patient-resources/cosmetic-surgery-vs-plastic-surgery/
  • Bosch, A. Z., Buunk, A. P., Siero, F. W., & Park, J. H. (2010). Why some women can feel more, and others less, attractive after exposure to attractive targets: The role of social comparison orientation. European Journal of Social Psychology40(5), 847-855.
  • Castle, D. J., Honigman, R. J., & Phillips, K. A. (2002). Does cosmetic surgery improve psychosocial wellbeing?. The Medical Journal of Australia176(12), 601–604.
  • Feingold, A. (1992). Good-looking people are not what we think. Psychological Bulletin, 111(2), 304.
  • Greer, J.B. (2018). How Hypnosis Can Make You More Beautiful. https://www.nowtolove.co.nz/beauty/beauty-news/how-hypnosis-can-make-you-more-beautiful-36387
  • HAMERMESH, D. (2011). Beauty Pays: Why Attractive People Are More Successful. PRINCETON; OXFORD: Princeton University Press. doi:10.2307/j.ctt7sjgz
  • Lau, S. (1982). The effect of smiling on person perception. The Journal of social psychology117(1), 63-67.
  • von Soest, T., Kvalem, I. L., Roald, H. E., & Skolleborg, K. C. (2009). The effects of cosmetic surgery on body image, self-esteem, and psychological problems. Journal of plastic, reconstructive & Aesthetic Surgery62(10), 1238-1244.
  • von Soest T, Kvalem IL, Skolleborg KC, Roald HE. (2011). Psychosocial changes after cosmetic surgery: a 5-year follow-up study. Plastic Reconstruction Surgery. 128(3):765-72. doi: 10.1097/PRS.0b013e31822213f0. PMID: 21866003.

Website Author and Your Guide

Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA), and author of the book Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run More-SelfEsteem.com since 1997 since suffering from low self esteem for more than 25 years overcoming it in his thirties.