How to feel Attractive Now

Written by Karl Perera, BA, MA, DipLC - Any purchase you make helps support my work on this website

Feelings can be extremely complicated, so on this page we are going to examine an important aspect of self esteem and confidence which affects your relationships and social confidence. As attractiveness means different things to each of us, feeling attractive is much more important than trying to look a certain way. If you are looking to understand how to feel attractive, then you’ll need to learn why you might feel unattractive or ugly, what makes a person look attractive, (it’s not necessarily appearance), and what steps you can take today to start feeling more attractive.

If you have low self esteem you may feel unattractive. This can damage your confidence in relationships and social interaction. To feel attractive you should improve your confidence, develop your natural presence, personality and sense of humour.

A poor body image can cause you to believe you are unattractive or ugly. You may be completely unable to see how attractive you are because of your lack of confidence and negative self image. The good news is that body image is very much something that can be worked upon. Feeling good about your body is one major step towards feeling attractive

What makes a person attractive?

Attractiveness is not just about beauty, it also includes:

  • a presence
  • a nice personality
  • confidence
  • a beautiful smile
  • a sense of humour

It is easy to see that low self esteem can make you a less confident person. You may hide your smile, presence and humour behind nervousness and awkwardness. When you look at a person, you look at more than the surface and some people ooze charm and beauty from the inside which only comes from a positive place. A pretty face and attractive body is great but more than anything these other factors make someone truly attractive.

According to Feingold (1992), there are many other factors of attractiveness besides physical ones. These include social skills, personality, intelligence, dominance, confidence, mental health and sexual appeal.

What Makes a Person Feel Attractive?

Apart from the very obvious things that might make a person feel attractive, there are many factors which contribute to this feeling. Abend and Williamson (2002) found that women who were optimistic felt they had more support and cooperation from their partners and felt more attractive. This may be the same for men as well, as it is likely that being optimistic will make relationships better and one result of a more successful relationship might be a feeling of attractiveness.

photo by Thought Catalog

Bosch et al. (2010) explain that because women compare themselves more than men, they place a higher importance on physical attractiveness. For this reason, most of the studies that have been carried out into the why and how of feeling attractive have focused on women.

Why do you feel unattractive?

There are several reasons why you may feel unattractive. As I have mentioned a major reason is poor self esteem and lack of confidence. Feingold (1992) mentions that it is commonly accepted by many researchers that low self esteem can cause a person to feel unattractive and the opposite is also true for those with high self esteem.

feeling unattractive

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  • Finally understand the steps you can take to build your confidence.
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Criticism from others may make you feel very negative and this can increase your poor self esteem. For example, because of a poor level of self esteem you may dress in a conservative or way that doesn’t get you noticed. Consequently, your attractiveness may be hidden rather than highlighted.

Perhaps you indulge in self criticism and negative self talk. This constant inner negativity can cause you to feel inferior and unattractive.

If you have suffered from abuse you may have a victim mentality and you may come to feel you are unattractive because of what has happened to you.

If you are in a relationship which is abusive mentally or physically you need to do something. Either end the relationship or seek help to end the abuse (counselling). Read about how relationships affect your self esteem.

What are the Consequences of Feeling Unattractive?

In Feingold (1992) we have an example where a man who feels unattractive expects to be unsuccessful with his approaches to women. This belief may cause him to be socially anxious and unable to communicate confidently. The result of his behaviour will make him a failure as he expected. This is very much a self-fulfilling prophecy. The problem is that each time he confirms in his mind that his belief is true, he strengthens his feelings of being unattractive.

As Hamermesh (2011) shows there is a huge difference in the success of attractive and unattractive people. Among the interesting statistics and observations made, some really stand out. For example, according to Hamermesh, an attractive male can earn as much as $230,000 more in his lifetime than an extremely unattractive one. Also, being attractive can result in higher grades in education, more lenient prison sentences, acceptance for bank loans at lower interest rates and much more. If this is the reality anyone who feels attractive may expect better treatment at work, in education etc. and this will affect how they behave. There is a real possibility that if someone feels attractive they may act in such a way that makes it more likely that they will benefit.

How to feel attractive now

There are some things that you can do now to help yourself feel more attractive:

1. Smile More

Smiling sends positive messages to others. Apart from the obvious, smiling can suggest intelligence, a sociable nature, friendliness and much more. Those who smile are judged by others more positively. But is there any evidence that smiling can make you more attractive? Will it make you feel more attractive?


According to Lau (1982), who carried out a series of studies into the attractiveness of smiling faces of average appearance, a smile makes a person more likeable and pleasant to look at (therefore more attractive). This does not prove that a person who smiles will feel more attractive, but it is my belief that if, by smiling, others find you more attractive and respond to you in a much more positive and friendly way, then you should also feel more attractive.

So smile more and feel attractive! How often should you smile? Approximately a third of people smile about 20 times a day and children can smile more than twenty times as much as that! So, you should aim to smile as often as you can but let’s say at least once an hour. That should certainly make you feel much better and you’ll look better too!

2. Self-Hypnosis Can Make You Feel More Attractive

Hypnosis has been hailed for its transformative abilities since early civilisation. In ancient Egypt and Greece, ‘sleep temples’ used trance-like states as a therapeutic tool. Today’s proponents believe hypnotherapy helps rewire the brain and change damaging behaviours by creating new neural networks through neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to adapt and change.”

Jessica-Belle Greer. (2018)

Download this self hypnosis program – feel attractive now – these programs work and I know this from personal experience. This one will help you to feel more attractive quickly and easily, give it a go!

3. Think Good Thoughts

If your mind is beautiful, filled with good thoughts and positivity this can shine through and make you glow. You will feel attractive. Thinking good thoughts will help you improve your mental health and emotional health, decrease stress and make you happier. Your self confidence will improve too!

4. Take Care of Your face and Skin

The face is the centre of attraction and we use it to communicate our emotions. We use it to smile or to display facial expressions. These can be very attractive to others. If you look after your face and keep it healthy looking you will feel and look younger and more attractive.

One of the best ways to look after your face is to moisturise it. Our faces dry out quickly in the elements. Sun, wind and cold all take its toll. So moisturise your face in the morning and the evening and the difference will make you feel more attractive.

Face yoga is another easy and quick way to improve your face and how it looks. Get rid of bags under the eyes and firm up your facial muscles to look and feel younger and more attractive.

These were four quick and easy tips how to feel attractive now, don’t forget that working on your self esteem and your confidence is one of the best ways to feel better about yourself and how you look. That’s what this website is all about!


  • Abend, T. A., & Williamson, G. M. (2002). Feeling attractive in the wake of breast cancer: Optimism matters, and so do interpersonal relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin28(4), 427-436.
  • Bosch, A. Z., Buunk, A. P., Siero, F. W., & Park, J. H. (2010). Why some women can feel more, and others less, attractive after exposure to attractive targets: The role of social comparison orientation. European Journal of Social Psychology40(5), 847-855.
  • Feingold, A. (1992). Good-looking people are not what we think. Psychological bulletin111(2), 304.
  • Greer, J.B. (2018). How Hypnosis Can make You More Beautiful.
  • HAMERMESH, D. (2011). Beauty Pays: Why Attractive People Are More Successful. PRINCETON; OXFORD: Princeton University Press. doi:10.2307/j.ctt7sjgz
  • Lau, S. (1982). The effect of smiling on person perception. The Journal of social psychology117(1), 63-67.

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Website Author and Editor Bio

Photo of Karl Perera, MA, DipLCKarl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA) and author of Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run since 1997 and is an expert in Self Esteem and Self Confidence.