Confidence and self esteem go together. They are vital weapons needed to face the challenges of life. Lack of self belief can stop you achieving anything. This is because you’ll be more likely to give up before you get very far and you’re likely to believe the negative things others say to you. With confidence in yourself you can’t be stopped and you will become more assertive. You’ll trust your decisions and be less likely to doubt. So we are agreed that confidence is extremely important but just how do you begin to build it? That’s what I’ll try to cover on this page so read on my friend…
Confidence building – no idea where to start?
People with high self esteem behave confidently. They value themselves and are at ease with who and what they are. This leads to confidence in themselves because they are happy with their place in the world. Higher self esteem enables you to see your strengths and positive qualities clearly. Low self esteem stops all your efforts to be confident because you cannot value yourself or who you are. If you feel you are worthless then you cannot respect yourself. With low self esteem your confidence is damaged because you look at yourself negatively and this creates self doubts which prevent you from realising your potential. One of the first and most important factors in building your confidence is to improve and work on your self esteem. Increasing your self esteem can help you overcome shyness, which is a common related problem.
Confidence matters in:
- relationships – lack of confidence will cause an imbalance in your relationship. You are a much better partner in any kind of relationship when you act confidently. Insecurity is never a good thing to take into any relationship and being confident in yourself means that you are likely to have things in perspective. Relationships have ups and downs and if you are insecure you put at risk even the best friendships when things get tough.
- work – all aspects of the modern workplace revolve around confidence. The more confident you are, the better your performance will be at work and the more likely you are to get recognition for the talent and ability you show. Here are some ways to become more confident at work .
- public speaking – this skill is becoming more important now and students and employees are now regularly expected to give presentations at work. In daily life, too, speeches and other public speaking engagements can be a real problem if you suffer from low self confidence.
- parenting – as a parent you can create an atmosphere that your child will benefit from only if you show confidence. An insecure parent will create a negative environment which will in turn create negativity in the child. Being a confident parent is so much more healthy and beneficial for your child.
- life skills – decision making is harder if you have self doubts and you are much less able to see things clearly. Confidence often leads to success because you take chances and will not give up easily. Even if you don’t get results immediately you can try again so achieving your goals becomes more likely. improving situations or circumstances you don’t like
- expressing yourself – read more about being yourself socially
- taking up new challenges – it is a big plus to have confidence because this will obviously help you to take on new challenges especially if they seem particularly difficult. You can overcome your fears and take the first step towards facing the difficulties that may lie ahead if you are confident because your attitude will be so much more positive. Any setback you face will not defeat you and you will be less likely to give up.
- being open to change – this needs a very positive attitude which will certainly melt away if you have too many doubts.
- self improvement – this requires a lot of work and determination which confidence will better prepare you for and help you to carry through your plan until you succeed.
Where does self-confidence come from?
It comes from several sources:
- from within yourself
- from others
- from your achievements
Some people appear naturally confident but guess what? They’ve learnt how to be that way and so can you! Just because someone seems confident on the outside, does not mean they feel that way inside. Some people have learnt how to look confident and that will certainly help you to feel better and encourage you as others respond to you in a more positive way. The secret to taking on challenges you fear is to learn how to feel more confident and then you will look more relaxed, however, this is not the end of the story. You may still be scared inside, we’ll talk more about this in a moment.
If you lack self esteem or self-confidence you must look above for the reasons. You may be overly criticizing yourself or telling yourself negative things like “I’m bound to fail” or “I’m not good enough” or even “I don’t deserve to succeed”.
These will make failure likely. Check this page for how to end negative thoughts
Maybe you believe others comments about your inability to succeed or your faults as they see them. What’s stopping you proving them wrong or challenging their view instead of accepting it? Defend yourself. Your self esteem depends on it! If you have a poor opinion of yourself, why should others respect you?
Focus on what you have done and you can be proud of.
How you can become more confident and successful?
- Look for a model (someone who is confident) and learn from them. What is it they do that makes them confident, how do they act?
- Focus on your achievements and even if you failed try to work out what you did right and how you could succeed next time
- Act as if you were confident!
- Prepare thoroughly for any task so that you can be sure you are ready
- Work on any skills you need but first know exactly what you want, you can never be over trained or over skilled for any challenge in life.
- Learn relaxation skills
- Always smile
- Set reachable goals for yourself
- Reward yourself when you succeed
- A professional counselor or therapist may be helpful
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Unsure which are the best confidence building tools?
Use any tools available to you to improve your performance. Tools could be books, courses, attending seminars or researching the internet. Try using a journal to plot your successes as they occur. You can learn to become confident I promise – so start today!
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