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Feel Abandoned By Family Members? Here’s what to do

Written by Karl Perera BA, MA, DipLC
Updated: April 22nd, 2020

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Here is a poem sent to me by Stephan Kiyemba (2015) and published in his book, “You Are Not Desperate” all about feeling abandoned, it also touches on the subject of sexual abuse.

Though the subject is sad, it is a positive poem about human value and will teach you something about self esteem.


Looking at her sparkling beauty, I could not resist the temptation to get close.

My mind raced up and down, searching for the best opening lines to captivate my prey.

At that moment, God was on my side, for her young brother came and called her by name – ABA,

Knowing her name, I invaded her territory and crafted my opener.

“Surely, your parents chose to name you after that famous music band – ABBA!

You must be a lover of music.”

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Her face beamed with joy as she smiled but suddenly sunk into a sullen mood saying:

“How I wish that was the reason!”

Looking at my perplexed face she explained.

“Far from that, ABA is the short form for abandoned.

My father named me Abandoned following mum’s death at my birth.”

With remorse I interjected: “But you chose to keep a name that has tragic memories.

You should have changed it.”

She responded:

“How could I change it and yet everything about my life only proves that I was born to be abandoned?”

She narrated her ordeal.

“At the tender age of 7, my stepmother locked me in a room and starved me for days.

My father refused to pay my school fees forcing my uncle to come to my rescue.

Little did I know that this Good Samaritan would later turn monster and sexually abuse me.

This act occasioned poor performance at school which equally attracted ridicule and shame.

From the moment of my birth up until now, pain and suffering have become my closest allies.”

With tears flowing down her cheeks, she screamed:

“Surely God intended for me to be abandoned-my name is ABANDONED!”

Sitting close to her I gently tapped her shoulders, wiped her tears and whispered:

“Aba, for you to be abandoned is one thing, but to accept it is completely another.

For in accepting the unbearable we become our own tormentors.

Our parents and other people may have given us a raw deal in the race of life;

But we alone can determine how we emerge out of that race,

By changing names such names as ABANDONED.

I then knelt down and said, “from the moment I saw you I got intense feelings of admiration,

Will you then allow me to change your name from ABANDONED to ADMIRED?

From ABA to ADY?

© Stephan  Kiyemba 2013.


Stephan Kiyemba (2015) You Are Not Desperate. Bloomington: Balboa Press

Explore more: how to cope with criticism

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2020 Karl Perera BA, MA, DipLC

Website Author and Editor Bio

Photo of Karl Perera, MA, DipLC Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA) and author of Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run since 1997 and is an expert in Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

28 thoughts on “Feel Abandoned By Family Members? Here’s what to do”

  1. inspiring poem. Let us continue to share more. Eagerly waiting for the video.

  2. LuckyOsato

    Nice one. It is nice. There was coherence and the poem flowed.

  3. Esther

    Thank you for sharing, in some way we learn to always appreciate we have.

  4. Stephan Kiyemba

    Thanks Karl for publishing the poem on your website. I am so elevated at your gesture of using my poem to inspire your readers. I pray that as they continue to interact with your powerful resources they may be completely restored from the lack of self esteem.

    I will make it a point to record a video of the poem which we can also share.

  5. Richard Chamberlain

    I dont know about this website every time I think about something it seems to mention the thing I’m thinking about. I know how it feels to be abondened by family like brothers & sisters. I can’t bring myself to admit to myself that I’ve been abused mentally and physically and have a hard time trusting people espesialy when you like someone. my siblings would see me go without the basics rather than help me. where I live people think I’m a weirdo But That is their problem.

  6. Martine

    What a beautiful poem. So much trauma, suffering and pain in her words and so much love and support from his side. We all should have a friend that protects you and lifts you up, when you don’t have the family, relatives or strength to help you and support you after these terrible things that scar you for life. I am glad that Stephen got to meet her and hear her story and shared it with us. It gives others the opportunity to learn and experience things and teach us a life lesson as well. Thanks, Karl for sharing his poem on your website.

  7. So touching. Many are going through this, may God grant them the strength and wisdom to make a positive move. I have changed my name to success.

  8. Yvonne Brinson-Rhodes

    Lovely thanks for sharing

  9. Her ANGEL made the difference… He gave her a new name!I Keep wondering if it is always possible to ‘get-up’ all by yourself. There are times when your strength alone isn’t enough and all you need is that special someone.

  10. Thank you for sharing. This poem penetrated my heart. So much of it relates to my own experiences. Abandoned and discarded. Now I trying hard to learn to value myself

  11. Matilda

    This beautiful poem made me cry and I could resonate to so much of it.

  12. I went through nearly the same as a very young age.At 40 I learned about reincarnation and karma. That helped me deal with all my pain and suffering. I could let go and started to really live till now, still doing my “serving to the world” and loving myself and believing in myself. Some years ago I wrote a song saying :

    some day some one
    will come and say
    hello, how are you today
    I will say with a smile
    won’t you come in for a while
    and I will show you
    the beauty of my world
    you will see what I see
    you will hear what I hear
    and you’ll never
    be the same again
    you will touch what I touch
    you will feel what I feel
    and you’ll never
    be the same again

  13. chuks eneotugo

    hmmm what a world well i have resolved that the world will never beat me thanks so much


    but the end is good.Happyend.


    ıt ıs a pity but there are many of this kind of occasions. !2m very sorry for them.B

  16. Josie Newhouse

    WONDERFUL, thank you for sharing!

  17. maxine

    Wow, trauma is what a lot of people suffer in life.good to hear it had a positive outcome

  18. Venetia Stanley

    Very inspiring, I passed it along to my co-workers for each of us to reflect upon.

  19. Jola Animashaun

    What a pathetic story!

    Life is full of wicked and selfish people.

    Thank God it ended well.

  20. Rosemary

    I’m not sure how I feel about this. So many questions. Worthy of discussion. Rosemary

  21. Rosemary

    I’m nor sure how I feel about thus, so many questions. Worthy of discussion.

  22. Melanie

    This opens the eyes of what we have in life and what others have suffered in life. We ourselves can make a change to better our circumstances and in this poem the admirer may help this person to change for the better. Sometimes people come in to your life because it is Gods will.

  23. Doris Williams

    A really inspiring poem that can help to mend the broken heart. It shows that all is not lost: there is hope. There are good Samaritans out there who are willing to assist. Thanks much.

  24. Rosemary Cobuzzi

    The poem in the beginning might be painful and sad but the ending was empowering, uplifting and positive. Helping others by offering support is given them a road map to try a different way. Thank you

  25. Rosemary Cobuzzi

    The palm in the beginning might be painful and sad but the ending was empowering uplifting and positive. Helping others is the best thing to do is given a map paternity’s to look at things differently and to believe that they have other people in their lives for support. Thank you for sharing that poem.

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