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Relationships can be challenging. Most couples face challenges at some point including cheating, problems communicating, financial pressures, compromise, stress and differences in expectations for the relationship or in life (Australian Institute of Prefessional Counsellors, 2020).
Confrontations with your spouse can be a big problem, but this is something quite common. There’s no reason you can’t work things out through marriage counseling. Here, in this article, we will look at 6 reasons why you should think about marriage counseling if your relationship as a couple is deteriorating.
Marriage counselling is a process where a married couple discuss their feelings and express their thoughts and expectations for their relationship. A counsellor or therapist will encourage the couple to communicate in a way that will improve understanding and compromise on both sides.
Successful marriages are linked with more general happiness and well-being in life (see this article). This is true until things start to go wrong.
Sometimes you can’t reach an understanding, and things only get worse from then on. Not being able to talk to your spouse can be infuriating, no matter who’s fault it is. One minute everything is great, and then another, communication seems to be impossible.
Time to see a marriage counselor?
If you feel like there’s more bad than good stuff happening in your marriage, you should look for another solution. Divorce should never be a first option. If you want to work things out with your spouse, consider going to a marriage counseling professional to try and fix your marriage. There are two main types marriage counseling, individual one to one or group counseling with the couple discussing the issues with the counsellor. Either way, this can be an eye-opening and a learning experience for both of you. Check out the link for more.
It might seem strange for both of you to talk to a complete stranger, but that stranger knows more about marriage relations than anyone else. It’s always good to hear a professional’s opinion on the matter because a lot of things can get fixed that way. Here are some other reasons why you should consider having sessions with a counselor:
1. Discover the root of the problems in your marriage relationship
You may be so busy fighting with your spouse that you often forget the root of your problems. This happens because usually, there are many issues that have been buried deep down within yourselves. When the fight starts, you want to confront your spouse about everything that has been bothering you. This is not the way to resolve a heated argument.
If this happens often, then you need to find a solution to the problem. Talking under guidance from a marriage counselor can help you discover the root of the problem. Once that happens, everything will become clearer. Both of you will come to understand better what the main problems are and, from then on, how you can begin working on them.
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You should also note that some marriages end following therapy. According to an article by Rachael Tasker, about 25% of marital couples believed things had got worse when asked two years after counseling sessions had finished and 38% actually get divorced within four years.
So, a counselor can help you understand whether the person you are with is meant to be your life companion, but that’s not always the case. Usually, couples work towards making things better for their marriage. Finding the main cause for all your fights and confrontations is the first step to trying to repair your relationship.
Talk about your feelings together
Sometimes when couples fight, they often forget why they fell in love with each other in the first place. The marriage counselor can encourage you to talk about your feelings towards one another. They can also help you remember all the wonderful stuff that happened at the beginning of your marriage. The more you express yourself, the better you’ll feel.
Instead of keeping everything bottled up, you and your spouse should work towards being honest with one another. This way, you can start working towards certain changes in your relationship. Your counselor is a person you can trust and talk freely about anything. They can ask you different questions to help you understand why you are in your situation. Read more on this page.
Expressing yourself is like cleansing the soul from all that negative energy and frustration. Visiting a counselor is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, they can save your marriage for good.
Deepen the intimacy between you and strengthen your relationship
Another problem why spouses fight is because of the loss of intimacy. You won’t be able to feel intimate with your partner if you are constantly fighting with them. Talking to a professional on the matter can bring you closer together. This can only benefit your marriage.
You will get an objective view of the entire situation. If some corrections have to be made on your part, you should take the expert’s advice. It’s the same with your spouse as well. Willing to work out the problem is crucial. This way, you will slowly recover the intimacy you have lost for a while now.
Personal growth is important for you and your relationships
When you are talking to a marriage counselor, you are not only trying to fix your marriage but yourself as well. Maybe there are some feelings deep inside that you weren’t aware of. A marriage counselor can help you grow and discover yourself. By doing this, you will be able to make decisions more clearly in the future.
Loving yourself always comes first. It’s an essential thing that people often forget to do because of their unhappiness. Whatever the outcome of therapy, you should make sure you are happy in the end.
Learn how to resolve conflicts that affect your marraige
Yelling and ignoring your partner is no way to resolve anything. Stubbornness can lead to nothing but more problems in the future. Every issue you have in your marriage should be resolved in a healthy manner. A marriage therapist can help you and your spouse with that as well.
There are plenty of ways to resolve a conflict, as long as there’s an understanding between the two parties. If you are feeling angry, you should learn to control the anger and not let it speak on your behalf. The more you learn from a professional, the better the outcome. You should check out Alinea marriage counseling to fix any issues you have in your marriage.
Improve communication to improve your marriage
Communication is the most essential thing in a marriage. If you don’t talk to your partner about what’s bothering you, all that negative energy will start piling up on your shoulders. This is how things get worse because every disagreement will turn into a heated fight. This is not something you want.
Having a couple of sessions with a licensed marriage counselor can help you improve communication between you and your spouse. As mentioned above, the more you express yourself, the more liberating you’ll feel in the end.
- Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors Website. (2020). 7 Common Relationship Challenges. https://www.aipc.net.au/articles/7-common-relationship-challenges/
- Bowman, M. (1990). Coping Efforts and Marital Satisfaction: Measuring Marital Coping and Its Correlates. Journal of Marriage and Family, 52(2), 463-474. doi:10.2307/353040
- Tasker, R. (N.D.). Does Marriage Counseling Work? 10 Surprising Statistics and Facts. https://guidedoc.com/does-marriage-counseling-work-statistics-facts
Website Author and Editor Bio
Karl Perera is a fully qualified Life Coach (DipLC), Teacher (MA) and author of Self Esteem Secrets. He has taught at various universities including Durham, Leicester and Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge. He has run More-SelfEsteem.com since 1997 and is an expert in Self Esteem and Self Confidence.