Parents – Boost your child’s self-esteem and confidence – 15 tips to help you

“Where there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” – African proverb 

Healthy self-esteem and a confident self-image are among the most important skills we can teach young people today as they face the challenges of a new decade and a constantly changing world. Yet they are skills that are often overlooked in main-stream education and their development left to chance.

Research undertaken over many years has indicated that people with a strong sense of self-esteem and the ability to focus positively on their attributes and skills are much happier and lead more satisfying and successful lives than their counterparts with low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

Parents have the major part to play in the development of their children’s self-esteem to ensure that they are well equipped to deal with whatever life throws at them.

It sounds easy doesn’t it?......It’s not. Here are some of the ways you can boost your child’s self-esteem.

◦          Praise your child for good behaviour. Look for opportunities to positively comment on the things they are doing well. Take the time to notice. We manage to notice when the behaviour is not good and we need to correct it. We often take good behaviour for granted as something that SHOULD happen!

◦          If you need to change a behaviour, focus on the BEHAVIOUR not on the CHILD. It’s the behaviour you don’t like, you still love the child. For example; instead of saying something like “I don’t like your attitude.” Say “I don’t like you speaking to me in that tone of voice.”

◦          When your child makes a mistake, help them to learn from it by discussing what happened and what could happen next time (if there is one). No matter how tempting, avoid saying “I told you so.” It’s so unhelpful, even if you did, and you hated it didn’t you?

◦          Acknowledge effort, even if the result isn’t great. When something doesn’t work, it’s not a failure. Some of the world’s greatest inventors failed many, many times.

◦          Allow your child to be right sometimes. Help them to develop their communication skills by persuading you that their way will work.

◦          Pick your battles. Allow your child to win sometimes. Choose those battles carefully. A safe battle may be the perennial battle over homework. We can nag all we like and talk about the consequence of what might happen at school if homework is not done and still not get through. Allowing your child to discover those consequences for themselves may have more effect on the future behaviour than your nagging. It’s a safe lesson in consequences.

◦          Take an interest in what your child is doing – before they become teenagers. If you start when they’re young, it’s normal and is less likely to be viewed as intrusive when they hit their teenage years. The same applies to the next point.

◦          Spend time with your child. Time spent with a parent is what will be remembered far more than material things.

◦          Attend as many of your child’s activities as possible. Mum and Dad on the sidelines, or in the front row will be remembered for life.

◦          Learn new things together – you’ll have fun too.

◦          Give lots of cuddles and encouragement. A hug and words of encouragement, particularly when things go wrong will help your young one keep things in perspective.

◦          Listen – actively listen – to your child. We’re all busy so sometimes you’ll need to MAKE the time to listen. Make sure you listen to the non-verbal communication (the body language) as this is often where the true meaning lies.

◦          Show that you make mistakes too and role model how to deal with them. IF you don’t throw your hands up in horror, your child will learn not to do that too. Conversely, if you give up at the first hurdle, they will learn that too.

◦          Encourage your child to mix with others. Make your home a fun, safe place that their friends will want to visit.

◦          Find the positive in every experience, including the bad ones. Bad experiences can offer good learning and opportunities to explore other ways of operating.

Working with your child to develop healthy self-esteem and confidence will also help

you to maintain your own. 

For more information and a great tool for teens, visit www.happyinmyskin.com

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