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Questions about Self Esteem

If you have any questions about self esteem then please send your questions to me and I will answer them and the best will get published on this page.

Q: "I find it very difficult to stand in front of public to expressed my self it really painful for can you help me to over come it."

This is one of the most common fears that people face. Do you know there was a famous survey done in the US some years ago and people were asked what their biggest fear was. Fear of death was second, giving a speech in public was number one! You are not alone.

The solution is to face the fear and do what you most fear, give the speech. The fear is usually unreasonable and actually speaking in public is easier than you imagine. Your fear magnifies the difficulty in your mind and you can begin to imagine all kinds of things going wrong. In reality, it is never as bad as you imagine and after a few attempts you may actually enjoy it.

Here is a very good personal account of someone with the same problem, perhaps you can take heart from this. Read these public speaking tips.

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Q: "How can I gain my self-esteem in such a way that I achieve my self-realisation and stick to principles that keeps me going in life no matter how hard life is? I am at the edge of losing purpose in life? I need settle for a positive mindset. Help me."

You need to be inspired in everything you do. Inspiration is one way to achieve your purpose of life. I, for myself, am inspired by my family. I do everything to earn a living for them to provide all of our necessities in life. In this way, I have eagerness, passion and courage for me to be able to become successful.

Every human being has their own purpose in life. You need to find yours and then focus on that to pursue your goals in life. When you have established your self esteem through inspiration, it will give you the ability to maintain and compose yourself to be the best of who you are. You can do it!

The best help I can offer is to refer you to my e-book where I show you how to take control of your self esteem and become a success by changing the way you think about yourself.

Get my Self Esteem Secrets E-Book here

"Thanks for blessing me. have you written some books like on self esteem, how to mend hurting emotions.... if yes, how can i get them?"

"I have a couple of books planned but for now I have only my e-book "Self Esteem Secrets" which you can get online from my website at the below link. The e-book is doing well and over 500 people have bought it and benefitted from it."

Check out the book below:

http://www.more-selfesteem.com/ap/go.php?uid=1&cid=21

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"Im in a long term relationship, and lately I feel like I'm always doing something wrong to the relationship. even though im not. Also I get really offensive when someone tries to tell me im doing something wrong, usually its because I know what im doing wrong, or what's wrong with me. I don't know if this is normal or if it's just me. But this is constantly bugging me. I feel like no one understands me."

Thanks for your question about relationships and taking advice.

Let's take your message a few lines at a time:

"I'm in a long term relationship, and lately I feel like I'm always doing something wrong to the relationship. even though I'm not. Also I get really offended when someone tries to tell me I'm doing something wrong, usually it's because I know what I'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me."

- at first you say you're not doing anything wrong but feel like you are and then you say you know what you're doing wrong. There's a contradiction there.

First, can I tell you that we all make mistakes in relationships, I know I have. Certainly you have made mistakes too and it is good if you realize that and want to do better. Don't be offended by others they are just reminding you that they want you to be happy and avoid the mistakes. It is frustrating when I listen to someone telling me what I already know but then, on the other hand, perhaps I needed to hear it again because I still knowingly carry on making that same mistake. Are you sure that you are blameless? No, of course not. Relationships go off track on both sides, it takes two to tango.

Why do you say something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. Perhaps you wished you behaved or reacted differently but nothing is wrong with YOU.

You are normal, I can identify with most of what you're saying and I bet that most people out there share the same feelings as you. We are all sometimes misunderstood but I'm sure others are trying to help. Think about it carefully. Who is telling you these things and do you really trust them? Are they friends trying to help you or not?

Whether you want it or not others will always give advice. If it is worthless ignore it but if it has value or if it comes from a caring friend accept it even if you you already know better. It would be a terrible world if nobody cared enough to tell us anything and ignored us completely.

Check out more about relationships and self esteem

Q: "My problem is I become a pessimist girl after the death of my mother so what can I do with this bad feeling ?"

Hi Safaa,

I think that one way you could become happier in life is to remember all of the good things about your mother. Recently, my good friend’s father passed away and he was quite sad, depressed and didn’t want to talk to anybody. He came back and talked to me a week or so later, much happier and told me that taking time to reflect, grieve and remember his father helped him move on. He is now a very happy person again. I hope that you are able to feel happy again soon.

Q: "Can my low self esteem be transmitted to my children?" – Jacqueline

This is a very interesting question, self-esteem is not a disease. It is not catchable like the flu but the effects of it can be absorbed by your children as normal behavior. Your kids may not ‘catch’ self esteem issues but they can certainly pick them up and see them as normal while they are growing and learning about life. I hope this helps!

Q: "For years I have wondered "what's wrong with me".. A two time dropout in high school and an under achieving adult.. Im 25 and only last year I started to try to figure out what's wrong with me.. reading your introduction to the book [self esteem secrets] I felt like I could relate instantly to everything from going red in the face to a very low self image problem.

Stumbling upon this website I feel like I now know what my problem is, low self esteem, self respect, low self image, among other things. I read the free first chapter of your book online and it inspired me. I really want to read the whole book." – Joshua

Hey Josh,

I am glad you have been able to relate to the concepts in the book and I wish you the very best in solving your struggles. If you wish to buy the book, you can do so here: http://www.more-selfesteem.com/ap/go.php?uid=1&cid=21

"I am having an Issue at work with one of the worker she is trying to bother me by insulting me and provokes me and insult my intelligence she is trying to tell me I am stupid and make me feel uncomfortable I am trying to stand up for myself but looks like doesn't working I want you to please help me and send me an e.mail tell me what is the best thing to do for this thing to stop."

Hma

Have you tried ignoring her? People that bully others feed off your reactions. That is the entire point of bullying, to make you react and feel bad about yourself so that they feel good. Most likely she has low self-confidence and feels the need to make herself feel bigger and so she takes it out on you. When you don’t react, she doesn’t get that good feeling that comes with bullying. So next time she bullies you, ignore her and if she continues to do it, talk to your boss about workplace harassment.

Good luck!

"It's one thing to think well of yourself, I have a problem with knowing what to say after hello. Starting and maintaining a conversation has always been one of my biggest downfalls...can you help me please?"

T. S.

Ah, I know this well… When meeting new or familiar people, sometimes conversations can be tough to keep going. If you feel uncomfortable it may be a good idea to just say, I better get going and great to see you and then move on. Otherwise, think of some simple things such as, “How is your day going?” or something that you might have in common with that person such as a good movie that is out at the moment. Make a list and practice those responses...

Most social communication can be improved if you prepare so the more you prepare topics to talk about, phrases or even jokes...the better! I'll think about this topic and include much more information about this in my new member site "Aspire to be You" very soon Tim.

- Best of luck!

"How can I break my bad habit? How can I quit smoking cigars? How can I be relaxed more than past?"

M.H.

Habits typically take 21 days to turn into a habit; likewise it can take 21 days to make them no longer be habits. To break a habit you really need a lot of willpower. Friends and family members can assist you if you feel comfortable sharing that sort of information with them. Doing a basic google search for breaking a habit should provide you with lots of tips to overcoming habits. Quitting smoking can be difficult for some and easy for others. Because of what is in a cigarette, it can create an addiction where your body craves the nicotine. Going to your local doctor or pharmacy/chemist and talking to them about this would be a good idea, they can often recommend a product that will help you quit over time. Relaxing is something even I wish I did more, if you want to be more relaxed and not as stressed as before there are several things you can do. Setting aside a portion of time each week to just do what you need to do is a great idea. Getting a good night’s sleep and eating a balanced diet also contributes to a happier and healthier lifestyle. Hope these tips help!