Stop Taking Things Personally (part 1)

Do you feel hurt by others on a regular basis?

If so, I suggest you learn how to stop taking things personally using self-help.

A Typical Example

Your boss hires a new employee who is obviously quite competent. You next discover that he's invited the new guy to a charity event you've been wanting to attend for six months.

When you find out, you feel hurt and angry. Your boss notices your dismay and invites you along. Feeling like an afterthought, you reject the invitation and fume over his insensitivity.

Why We Take Things Personally

We take things personally because we've trained our mind to do so.

We do not realize this, of course. When events trigger our outrage, we believe our hurt and anger is justified.

How We Take Things Personally

When we take another person's behavior personally, we do the following 3 things:

Assume his behavior is a reflection of how he feels towards you (vs. a reflection on him and his environment)
Magnify his hostility towards you by remembering similar ways you've been hurt in the past
Activate your self-righteousness by believing you would never do this to him, e.g., treat him unfairly, reject him, under-appreciate him, etc.

You can magnify hostility the same way you amplify love: by mentally reflecting on events and giving them meaning.

When we amplify love, we think about how wonderful, sexy, and funny our partner is.

When we amplify hostility, we think about how much another person is trying to hurt, undermine, or embarrass us.

I'm not suggesting that people never do hurtful things.

read the rest of this article plus part 2

		SELF ESTEEM NEWSLETTER September 2006 issue no.50
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LATEST NEWS more-selfesteem.com new pages: - introspection First let's talk about what introspection is. I would define it as looking inward inside yourself. As with most things which most people do there are positive and negative aspects to introspection. Sometimes it is very important for us to reflect on our inner thoughts and feelings but too much of this can be unhealthy... Click to read the new page depression-helper.com DEPRESSION PROGRAM - NEW! This last few weeks I have been following the new depression program from Uncommon Knowledge. I, like most people, am prone to becoming depressed and have suffered in the past so I wanted to try it myself and review it before including it on the depression-helper website. It is filled with new ideas and many interesting medical breakthroughs which help to uncover exactly what depression is and the best way to beat it. click to read my review of the depression program more recent updates Want to contribute? I invite you to send me your articles, tips, experiences you'd like to share, helpful books you've read.... click here to contribute	MAIN ARTICLE Stop Taking Things Personally (part 1) Do you feel hurt by others on a regular basis? If so, I suggest you learn how to stop taking things personally using self-help. A Typical Example Your boss hires a new employee who is obviously quite competent. You next discover that he's invited the new guy to a charity event you've been wanting to attend for six months. When you find out, you feel hurt and angry. Your boss notices your dismay and invites you along. Feeling like an afterthought, you reject the invitation and fume over his insensitivity. Why We Take Things Personally We take things personally because we've trained our mind to do so. We do not realize this, of course. When events trigger our outrage, we believe our hurt and anger is justified. How We Take Things Personally When we take another person's behavior personally, we do the following 3 things: Assume his behavior is a reflection of how he feels towards you (vs. a reflection on him and his environment) Magnify his hostility towards you by remembering similar ways you've been hurt in the past Activate your self-righteousness by believing you would never do this to him, e.g., treat him unfairly, reject him, under-appreciate him, etc. You can magnify hostility the same way you amplify love: by mentally reflecting on events and giving them meaning. When we amplify love, we think about how wonderful, sexy, and funny our partner is. When we amplify hostility, we think about how much another person is trying to hurt, undermine, or embarrass us. I'm not suggesting that people never do hurtful things. read the rest of this article plus part 2
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